Untitled #552

It has been a while. I often come to this site with the intention of posting something. Then I get emotionally exhausted at the idea of trying to explain thoughts I am having in a linear fashion. Plus my rational side sometimes tells me "none of this is the fucking internets business!" I am moving to Toronto as of Oct. 1st, and also getting transferred to the big, new, Longo's downtown Toronto. *yawn* I know. Fuck this laptop is really hot on my lap right now. I am supposed to be swimming right now. A. Because it is really hot, and B. Because I said I was going to too. But I was just dodging an awkward social situation the easy way. Too hot to do otherwise. I was supposed to meet up with this girl this afternoon, and you who know me, know that I am often meeting up with random women here and there. But I am losing interest in it. I blew her off by telling a white lie. (really should stop doing that) Oh! I haven`t had a cigarette in a week. I know readers jaws just dropped. But I felt it was time to quit. I think I am going to try and quit lying next. I tell too many white lies sometimes. And I am a pot smoker, so I don`t always have the greatest memory to keep track of them. So much else to say. But the wrong people read this for me to be able to say it. Sometimes I wish the old me was back where I didn`t care who knew what about me. Everyone in the world can know how I feel about people, but the person themselves cannot always. This way I think I make my own life more complicated. Wait. I am not sure if that is desireable. Ha! Also something hilarious I wish I could share. Cheers!

Untitled #551

I read this on the internet and I laughed hysterically.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)

Untitled #550

Maybe I would be more attracted to goth girls if they didn't bust out golden lines like

"I remember the nights spent in thine arms, while making dark love with bestial charm. A setting provided with incessant rain, sipping the blood from each other's veins."

Please. Let's just have a conversation without talking about the darkness you think you have that is unique, but in reality, is in everyone.

Untitled #549

My boredom has brought me here. Let's see how productive it becomes. My vacation was pretty good. The first two days back were pretty brutal. Getting back into the flow of work, and my department being in chaos. I didn't mind recovering it from being a disaster. I like to know that my job, and position are both well deserved. My absence was noticeable. My strong employees were very glad to have me back. The slackers weren't. I got a big hug from Francis. She is my most experienced employee. She has worked there fifteen years. It took her a week to stop hating me just because I was new and young. But once she realized that I was not only efficient at what I do, but profficient, she loved me. She never wants to work shifts with anyone else. Neither do I frankly. She is great at the job. I always tell her she should manage. But she sais she couldn't handle the pressure. I spent a lot of my vacation in the great white north in my travels. I spent most of the week camping. I just love the outdoors. Man made structures get so boring. If I lived in a year round warm climate, I would live in a tent. Nature is where I don't need the luxuries I have grown used too. (it took me a few seconds to figure out how to spell "luxuries." At least I made the effort too.) I love my brother I love spending time with him. I like his cocky attitude, because I understand that he has a good heart. That seems to be a Spencer trait. A little fucked up. We lie about stupid shit just to make a conversation more entertaining. But all good intentions. I spent time with Kate while I was up there. I like her. She is reactionary, insecure, opinionated, and intelligent. That mixture of colours is a pretty rainbow of a personality that she carries well. But all this may be one sided. I don't know if she likes me. I couldn't tell, but I think my personality may be a bit much for her. But at the same time, I don't want to blatantly ask her what she thinks of me. Seems like an odd conversation to have. Though I generally like odd conversations. I don't know if she does. But I will just take this route instead. Write about it in my blog in which I know she reads :p Haha. No. I'll probably be straight forward and on put her on the spot. To me it seems to be the most effective way to communicate. Beating around the bush seems like a lot of waste of life. Especially since it eventually becomes habit.

My friends are all going to gang-bang each other some day. Seems to be the path they are taking.

I went to my first Pride Parade this year. Every other year I had been working which was a constant disappointment. But I was thoroughly impressed. It made me overjoyed to see so many people accepting of the LGBT minority. I have never seen a gathering that is there just to show love and understanding to there fellow man. No matter where they like to stick their dick or tongue. Good. Maybe our upcoming generations will be better then we are. More understanding. Hopefully we will be better parents then ours were to make that happen. Anyways. While writing this I was making spring frittatta and meditteranian style chicken with moroccan couscous. It is now I think, just about done. So I should go and make sure it presents well. My Grandma wants to show off her Grandson to her new friends. So she asked me to cook something fancy. But something that old geezers with particular taste buds would like. So here is hoping they aren't fried chicken and brown gravy food racists. Have a good one folks!

Untitled #548

Change can be good. I enjoy my new location. It is a very well run store. The Store Manger is a very intelligent business man. I respect that. He is a hard-ass. But if you do your job, you don't get burned. I went up to Owen Sound for the long weekend. Hung out with my brother. Did illegal shit. (don't you wish you knew) Met with someone I had been talking too for a while but had never met. Broke my wrist in hockey last night. Third time in a year and a half I have broken it. But still have never missed a day of work due to that bone breaking. I even kept playing last night after I injured it. Mike is quite embarassed because I won all six games. Including the three I played with my injured jerk off hand. \i have been staring at this screen with a blank brain for too long. This is just mainly a aste of time for me these days which is why my frequency and length have dropped off. Plus I think a lot more people read this then I want to be. But in the end, I try not to care about those things.

Untitled #546

Yes. I have made 546 blog posts. That is only counting this site. I should get paid to do this. I got moved to the Oakville Longo's in a management position. Yesterday was my first day. it is a compliment to be sent their because it is the busiest store in the company. If you get sent to the Brampton Longo's, you fucking suck. That is where my old manager got sent when I took her job. It is very fast-paced. Makes more then twice as much as the old kitchen I worked in. but I am going to miss the place. I worked many thousands of hours in the building. I knew everybody from the purolator guy. The Wonderbread delivery guy, to the CEO. I did have three jobs in that building and spent a majority of my last three years there. Made some friends, and some enemies. Italians don`t like it when you call their offspring faggots. I usually just do it to prove a point. They claim to not care if people are gay or not. But like to bring up the fact that if their kid was, they would boot them into the street so fast. So when I ever mention how much their son gave good head last night... I guess I am generally just a shit-disturber. I just don`t like phobias. Homophobia, blackphobia. Or as that liberal trash likes to call it, racism. I like talking to people I don`t know that well. I think about what I am going to say a lot more. Conversational caution. Something I generally don`t practice. Unless I am talking to a knew person I like, or want to get laid. Funny how the way I go about making a friend, and getting fucked isn`t that to far off. Maybe I want to fuck my friends. When guys give girls relationship advice or observations, they always come across as having ulterior motives. I generally avoid doing it. But I kind of did it today. Most of the time I spent composing what I was saying was trying to make it seem like I didn`t. So I think in the end, it didn`t come out as intended. So next time I won`t give a fuck. Vulnerability is a hard thing to work with. But I love it because of how unabashedly they share their emotions. A rare inside glimpse into pure human emotion. Though some guy once told me you only see that when you murder someone.

Untitled #545

Why relationships fail. You spend the first date trying to hide your flaws. Then you are in a relationship, and you try to hide your disappointment. Then you get married and try to hide your sins.

Untitled #544

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or a bitter drunkard.

Untitled #543

Some of the most pointless activities in life are when you are in a position of responsibility. I have a Manager's meeting today at Head Office. All it does is waste a perfectly, possibly, productive day. I never learn anything useful. It isn't like they equip me with knowledge tools that I can practically implement in my day to day work. I swear the pointless shit you do when you have responsibility, is just shit created to create higher paying jobs. Watch. It will be a gorgeous sunny day today too. And I am going to be stuck inside talking about "wins" for my department. Then have the exact same discussion we always have. Shoot around ideas about how to lower shrink and Raise GP. Everyone's ideas will be the same. Push the sales, protect the bottom line. And we will all act like it is a brand new idea and stroke the ego a little bit. Why can't I make good money without having to sit through bullshit? If there is a way, I haven't found it yet. Playoff hockey started last night. So good luck socializing with me the next little while. Unless you want to watch hockey as well. I bought a carton of Prime Time's. I have so much tobacco product on my desk right now. I am a smoker's wet dream.


49 more years :(

Things I love

Scorsese
Jeopardy!
Long walks on nude beaches
Larry David
Proficient musicians
Books
Reading books
Connecting with new people
Sex. Scandalous in nature
Spring time
Real Time
Prime Times
Smoking. Tobacco, and the wacky shit too
Your Mom in red leather
Tarantino
PDAS
Hippy Genocide
Toronto
Kim Kardashian
NHL hockey (Ovechkin, Crosby, Stamkos, Malkin, Kane, Semin, Backstrom, Green, Nabokov, Thornton, Marleau, Boyle, Staal, Gaborik, Iginla, Fleury, Niemi)
Anti-rape
Atheism
Determinism
Humanism
Religious scandals
Dark beer
Single malt scotch
Gay rights
Educational entertainment
Pro-line
Pro-choice
Pro-you
Friends
Nudity
Chess
Adventure (Be it in the bed, or on the road)
Writing pointless lists

Untitled #541

Here we go again. I don't really like putting shit on the internet as much as I once did. I almost deleted this blog a couple times. But decided I would probably regret it. And this thing has a better memory of my last few years then I do. There had been a lot of drama the last little while. But I stopped giving a fuck because more important shit came up then "some girl." I am going through something that I haven't told a living soul other then my cat. And I don't think that can change. I am getting to be a much more private person then I was. I used to be much more of an open book then I am now. I wonder what changed? Sometimes I will tell more to a stranger then a friend. There is this person that I don't know very well on Facebook. But I like her Facebook personality as far as I can tell and so I would like to think I would like her just as much in real life. I told her some shit that I didn't tell my closest friends. I guess it is because ongoing drama doesn't become an ongoing conversation when you tell someone you don't know very well. I often just like to talk about it. Get it out of my system. Then not address it anymore. I think I just used far too many periods. But I don't like to go all cockle doody with commas either.

If you were able to wrap your head around the circumstances that fell in my lap these past few weeks, what would you do? I ask myself that question constantly. Almost all the answers that come to me are based on anger. But fuck. You would be angry too. Somehow, some nut-bag knows where I live. Somehow, I got rolled by his pals. But that was my fault. I was an idiot and went outside and left myself vulnerable. But it won't happen again. The pendulum will swing back the other way soon and there will be reactions to the actions. Keep some balance in this universe. I still miss you Button. I still care about you. I don't know why. Because part of me also hates you. That is the self-preservation drive in me talking. But the secular humanist in me loves people that I love no matter what sometimes. That kind of loyalty can be detrimental to my well-being though. As if all this shit isn't enough to deal with. My department has essentially doubled. My head hurts just thinking about it. I constantly debate getting the fuck out of Longo's. Sometimes I am absolutely convinced that is what I need to do. Magenta hands, and enigmatic smiles. Fuck I hate refrains.

loveless vessels

we vow
solo love

we see
love solve loss

else we see
love sow woe

selves we woo
we lose

losses we levee
we owe

we sell
loose vows

so we love
less well

so low
so level

wolves evolve

English is a gorgeous language to fuck around with. I have read a lot of terrible english from thugs this week in the format of Facebook messages. I don't respect people who have poor English skills. Never have. "You" is not just a letter. Neither is "are." When laziness translates so far into someones life that it even affects language skills, to me it sais a lot about a personality. Fuck. You don't know how much I miss you Button..

I think I have discovererd the trick to enjoying your job. Or at least bearing it under the shittiest of conditions. Which I don't work in by the way. This is Canada after all. We have it pretty good. But I am a spoiled white boy. So sometimes I think my life sucks worse then everyone elses in moments of selfishness. Anyways. You have to surround yourself with friends. I am generally a social person and over the years have become close with some of my co-workers. People who you enjoy their company turn the corner from being co-workers to friends. You will always be in a more comfortable environment if you are working with a friend. And since I am such a social person, I have made quite a few there. Bond with your fellow man, and work won't be work so much.

I need a change of scenery. I wish the world was just like me television set. When I get bored, or a commercial comes on, I change the channel. I had a purpose for this post, but I don't want to talk about it. On the up and up, hockey starts in ten days. I am involved in three pools. My friends were trying to talk me into a fourth yesterday. I was tempted too because it is a heads up pool. My favourite kind. But I have enough shit on my plate. I am thinking Toronto tonight. We will see what the kids school schedule is like and whether they have to be at their bus stop early in the morning. Fuggedaboutit.

It takes up so much of my energy just to get up the will to go in and work with my manager. She is so terrible at her job that I know I will be working twice as hard and getting half as much done because she lacks the ability to manage time and space. Never mind people. On the up side I got a date tonight. Hopefully I haven't become unravelled by then.

It has been more then two months since I have payed any attention to my faithful blog. A fair amount has happened I guess. I got my G2 a couple days after my last post. I bought an iphone which may be the smartest electronic purchase I have ever made. I got a promotion. Then I got asked to be moved. A lot of issues at work. More stress then I have ever dealt with in the workplace in recent weeks. Got a yellow card that should have never happened. I haven't had a day off in almost four weeks. Thank god everything is closed on Monday. Because I am exhausted. Realized why I hate talking to exes and why I split contact with them in the first place. I have played a lot of hockey this summer. Met some Mississauga boys who play every Sunday. But our season just ended because they all go to school next week. I should be in Cuba right now. But couldn't get the time off because my department is sooo fucked for staff and no one is looking. But I am going to take my brother and go in the winter instead. To my sister Tanya. I love you with everything I am.

My family was up a couple Sundays ago because my Father was singing at my Grandmother's church. I didn't join. It isn't like church with my family is full of good memories that I want to experience again. Anyways, my sister Faith left her bible there. The church didn't find it until this week. So a couple days ago I went to pick it up for her. My sister Faith is the one closest to my sister Tanya. They have really been even moreso together since the tragedy happened to Tanya. Anyways, there was a little page sticking out of her bible like a bookmark. So I was curious about which part of the bible she was reading and opened it to there. That page ended up being a prayer list. Right at the top of the list it said. "Tanya. She is slipping away..." I broke down. I have tried to maintain my composer throughout all this because I still have to work and focus on maintaining my life. Also part of the reason I haven't really gone to Toronto and all that. Just continuous exhaustion from trying to maintain focus.

But this tripped something in me knowing that the person who knows her best, thinks she is losing her. I get home and I called her. She picks up the phone and in the tiniest voice sais "hello." It just crushed me even more. She seemed more listless then those homeless crack heads I see all over Toronto. Huge difference from the girls who was full of life not too long ago. I just don't know what to do at this point. I have this overwhelming feeling something bad is going to happen. I also think the Christian counselling my parents talked her into going to is useless. They don't even help you deal with what happened to her. Just tell her to rely on that invisible father figure in the sky. Pisses me off that people can't be religious, have common sense, and sensitivity. I need a beer.

Cigarettes are the only relationship that makes sense to me.

I had a pretty fucked up dream experience last night. But also kind of hilarious in hindsight. I was having a nightmare which I very very rarely do. And I was dreaming that I was pinned down on my stomach on my bed and couldn't move as much as I tried. And I think I thought I was going to be killed. Then I wake up from the dream and I still feel pressure on my back like someone is holding me down. So I freak out and push up with all my might. All I hear is this weird scream and a thud. I go and quickly switch on my light. It was my cat! I guess she had climbed up on my bed and fell asleep on my back. So when I jumped up quickly, I threw her off the bed and she of course was the scream I heard. Haha. Scared the piss right out of me. But it is a pretty funny story to tell.

It would seem that if you ever fuck someone, the simplest things become complicated. I guess it is why I have a pattern of washing my hands of all of it. My priorities are extremely different now. This post is very short, but already fragmented. So I think I should end it before it makes less sense.