My family was up a couple Sundays ago because my Father was singing at my Grandmother's church. I didn't join. It isn't like church with my family is full of good memories that I want to experience again. Anyways, my sister Faith left her bible there. The church didn't find it until this week. So a couple days ago I went to pick it up for her. My sister Faith is the one closest to my sister Tanya. They have really been even moreso together since the tragedy happened to Tanya. Anyways, there was a little page sticking out of her bible like a bookmark. So I was curious about which part of the bible she was reading and opened it to there. That page ended up being a prayer list. Right at the top of the list it said. "Tanya. She is slipping away..." I broke down. I have tried to maintain my composer throughout all this because I still have to work and focus on maintaining my life. Also part of the reason I haven't really gone to Toronto and all that. Just continuous exhaustion from trying to maintain focus.

But this tripped something in me knowing that the person who knows her best, thinks she is losing her. I get home and I called her. She picks up the phone and in the tiniest voice sais "hello." It just crushed me even more. She seemed more listless then those homeless crack heads I see all over Toronto. Huge difference from the girls who was full of life not too long ago. I just don't know what to do at this point. I have this overwhelming feeling something bad is going to happen. I also think the Christian counselling my parents talked her into going to is useless. They don't even help you deal with what happened to her. Just tell her to rely on that invisible father figure in the sky. Pisses me off that people can't be religious, have common sense, and sensitivity. I need a beer.