Shrapnel Embedded Flesh

Good morning cutie pootsies. It is Monday. That day that all you nine to five, Monday to Friday fucks hate. I don't have any particular feeling about certain days one way or another. There just becomes a point when all the days meld together if you work enough. I have been working everyday since I saw you sexy folks in Toronto. I might have Thursday off. Might. But I have been asked to work it in case my one staff member is still going to be off taking care of his mother. I said I would. It means I think I would be working 21 days straight. Now that is pretty fucking nuts. I have never worked for everyday for three weeks before. But I am up to the challenge. In fact I don't think it will really be a challenge. I will just get tired and really appreciate my next day off. I think I appreciate my days off more then most people and make great use of them because I don't have very many. I also don't get sick of my friends and they don't get sick of me. It is a healthy little cycle I got going here. I haven't felt like killing anyone in at least three weeks.

Got to be a brand new record! Actually I am a fairly low anxiety human being. I used to be constantly full of anxiety. I was told I was a very fidgety person constantly by this amazing woman Lorianne once. She told me that for the brief period that I went to her for counselling. It was after my ex-fiancee Morgan left me. Well I had planned to meet up with her before I knew Morgan was leaving me. It just so happened that Morgan left the day I was going to try and get my life together. But the counselling didn't last for very long. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to do it or anything. I just moved out here is all. Which turned out to be a pretty great decision. Got my head on straight. Got a good job. I work hard. I play hard. I masturbate a good healthy amount. I don't get laid enough. But at the same time I don't have the time to pursue women. If I did I doubt I would anyway. I am lazy that way. I expect women to come to me if they want me badly enough. I just assume they all do and I am too intimidating to approach.

Well, that is what I tell myself as I cut my wrists with my broken Billy Talent CD's in the darkest corner of my closet. Haha. So glad I am not one of those kids. I like not being depressed. How about you? Or maybe you are. A large portion of us spoiled western kids are depressed. We seem to be growing more spineless. Or we just cannot emotionally adapt to this crazy ever changing environment we live in. I know sometimes even I fall victim to feeling pussified. We have access to so much information. But we also have to sift through a lot os misinformation. I whole heartedly believe we absorb an incredible amount of bullshit in our lives. I wonder how much bullshit I walk around and believe is true. I hope my abilities of discernment are prettty good. I like to believe they are. I like to believe I am an insightful person. But don't we all. I may just be refusing to believe I am your average run of the mill joe. I need to feel I am special to justify a purpose to my existence. Because if I am like everyone else. My existence has no use. There are millions more other people just like me.

I sure as fuck hope that isn't the case. But I will just keep on believing it isn't. I believe we all have that mindset. But also I am sure we have all come across people who find us dreadfully boring or the polar opposite and find us incredibly special in some way. People who love us. People who hate us. Why we can be so different from person to person is beyond me. I even have friends who really like people that I can't stand. Jimmy likes some people that I really cannot stand in the slightest. It always blows my mind when I find out he likes some of these people. Well I guess not really. Jimmy is generally more open minded towards people then I am. I form an opinion of a person pretty quick when I get to know them. So making a good impression on me quickly is important. Because if I don't like you at first, I probably won't like you. I say "probably", because there are exceptions to every rule. But I can also really like someone very quickly. I can often tell just from hanging out with someone once that I want to hang out with them on a regular basis.

I have met quite a few people that way. I knew I wanted Seb to be a guy I hang out with all the time the first time I met him. Same with Kayla. They both have become part of my inner circle of friends. I also Have only really hung out with Sophie the last weekend I was in Toronto. But I knew I would like her pretty quickly. I also knew I would disagree with her on a lot. Boy was I ever right about that. But it isn't in an obnoxious way. She doesn't appear ignorant either. Well no more then most people anyway. Not willfully ignorant I should say. I also love Luke. I don't see him enough. I miss Nicole a fuck of a lot. That thought goes through my head on a daily basis. Now that I have had a taste of seeing her on a regular basis for months, I am suffering wthdrawel symptoms when she isn't here. I try to keep a record of what I would like to tell her when she gets back. But man. I don't know if I can keep track of it. I will be incredibly excited when she gets back.

I know that for sure. You Toronto kids should come see me soon as I won't be able to go to Toronto for a bit I don't think. I usually travel to see you guys. But once in a while you fucks should come out to see me. I often exhaust myself to see you kids. I know Dave will probably come see me. He often does if I can't make it out. When I talked to him on the phone this past weekend he said he would see about coming out to see me. I am sure he will. A lot of the kids are heading to Montreal soon. First weekend of August I believe. They are getting back on the Monday. That I am glad about. Because Jaime is coming on the tuesday and I want her to meet my friends. Probably will drink in the park with the group. Anyways. I think I am done writing for the day. You kids have a lovely one. Cheers!