100th blog post

So it is finally going up. Some people I waited long enough for the subscriptions. I can always edit it later I guess. Lesley. You have disappointed me. 100 accounts from my mind. 100 ways for you to be offended. But really. Excerpts from my brain is just a given that it will be offensive from time to time. So four dear friends of mine made posts for this thus far and that is what I am going up with at the moment. It actually took conscious effort for me not to blog the last couple days waiting for people to send me there stuff. I realize that it is an outlet I enjoy immensely. Those of you recently who have gotten offended by it, don't. If you can't help it, don't read it. It is my blog after all. Getting all dramatic and pissed off at it is pretty rediculous. Sometimes people tell me I have no tact. Really I do. I could say some of the things that I do to people instead of just blogging about what I thought at the time. But I don't. Because I am polite. But if others want to live vicariously through me, they will get what I was thinking and what I thought of the setting with as few of filters as possible. That is what I like to use it for. I am an inflammatory person. Nicole's words as you will see in a bit. If you can't handle that, I advise going and reading some feel good book of the year. Now. My dear friends have posted submissions. Those of you who may only read my blog but don't know my friends, will get to hear a little piece from them. I have blogged about them all numerous times. They are the salt of the earth, and your lives would be better if you had the privilege of knowing them as well as I do. So without further ado, Here you are.

Trevor originally asked me to do some kind of clip-show-esque reviewof his blog, but I decided to do more of a memoir of my times with Trevor. I love my friends. Jimmy and Trevor and Mike and Dave andKayla are all standup people with interesting things to say. Secondly,we know how to party without being douche bags. But Trevor is probablythe best friend I've ever had that I've not been romantically involvedwith. I'm sure people who read Trevor's blog are torn between jealousyand contempt. Mostly jealousy, but jealousy makes people feel like their lives are lame so they rely more on the contempt part. But wedon't really fucking care. We are too busy having a fine ass time.

I remember how I first met Trevor. He was trying to sell my ex-boyfriend Will (who wasn't even my boyfriend yet) overpriced acid. I got pissed off and made him give me Trevor's msn address. We argued a lot at first. I remember seeing it as a challenge. I could tell he was smart, and I had just gone through a serious breakup and things were all fucked up for me at the time. I wanted something to focus on. I decided it would be to impress him, to prove myself worthy to the most skeptical motherfucker on the planet. I could tell when he was trying to shock me, or piss me off. I tried my best to hold my ground, (though sometimes I faltered) and show him that I was his equal. Iwasn't even sure if that was true at the time. It was like intellectual fencing. Dodge, parry, thrust. Then eventually we cam chatted. Trevor says that's when he finally saw me as a worthy person because he thought I was pretty, but I think I had been working up toit for a while with our frequent conversations. He wouldn't have been willing to chat with me so much otherwise, right? Anyway, the first thing he said was "Holy fuck Nicole, you're fucking gorgeous. You have this innocent heart-shaped face". Of course, he knew I wasn't innocent. We had shared our tales of debauchery and found that in both our lust for recreationals and our recent heartbreak we were much the same. We made a suicide-marriage pact, which fell apart when Trevor got engaged to Morgan. I was so pissed off at him for that. But I realized it meant I actually cared about him, that it made me mad at all. I called her a trailor trash slut that clings to anything that shows her attention. She found that email, and was not impressed. But I stand by the statement.

Anyway, I'm getting out of chronological order. So then I hooked up with Will. Trevor was disappointed. He thought we were going to fuck and do heroin together, which never happened. I went back to O.S. to visit with Trevor and Will around Christmas time I think it was. We met at the Tim Hortons. We sat and chatted with Erro who had just gotten his GED. Trevor yelled disparaging remarks at some young women and made me laugh. I was glad that he was just like he was on msn. Inflammatory. So we started walking to Tunga's place. Trevor took out his case, which was hooked to the gills with pills, powders, and vials. A man after my own heart. It's rare I find someone who can party like me, so I started to salivate. He put out a bump of K (which he was really into at the time) on his hand as we waited for the light to change. I took it. Will refused. We walked on. I kept doing K with him all night, as I met a number of people I knew through tcow, a local site .Most of them highly unimpressed me. I found them to be vapid and stupid, but of course they were, I said to myself. They were still in Owen Sound. So it confused and frustrated me that he was still there. He told me it was an awesome place to live. I disagreed. I wanted him to come to Montreal and live, but he said he hated the French. Fair enough, I thought, but it's time to move on.

He didn't though. He stayed there for a while, and a lot of fucked up shit went down. The details aren't important, other than Morgan was involved and sucked the life out of him the way Morgan does. We all make mistakes. Then he decided to move to Toronto. An excellent decision, because suddenly I had a reason to move to that commercial city. Plus it was close to family. But friends are frequently more important than family, because you can pick them out, like truffles from a store window. So I moved, and now I get to be with my bestf riend whenever I'd like. The man we know and love. Over our electronic communication, Trevor has saved my life a number of times,and probably I his. We were each other's life preservers when no one else seemed to want to deal with our bullshit. We give perspectives on each other's lives that no one else could give. They are balanced judgments from the fucked up perspectives that we share. We like people mostly as amusements. We hate the world. We are bitter at times. We love who we love with a fierce loyalty, and we hate who we hate with a sick kind of enjoyment. It's probably you. But don't feel bad. We are insulated in our superiority. But I hope that now you all understand me, as well as Trevor, a little better.

XOXOXOX Nicole

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"Rosebuds"
On those nights of bottled chatter
When you shake of pills
(And chew through your cuticles
Creating nubs
That peel and bleed like
Skinny little nectarines)

I think of times
In the church-house
(Those days of fire and brimstone addresses
When we would pray
To our lord on high
Of whom we knew nothing
But that he was perfect)

And how now happily condemned
And as Sinners
(We have discovered compassion
As it were some new virtue
And not just what happens when
Carpenters die on crosses)

We can look back
(The carpets
Were orange
And lay rotting
Like bushy carrots
The polished pews
Red cushioned stumps
Their hard backs unsuited
For sleeping off
Sundays
So in the front row
We would always create unease while we
Held our own sermons)

At the faint blue siding
On that church where we met
(I remember finding you there
Against my will
But finding more
In our inevitable escape)

And remember nights
Walking beneath streetlamps
That would illuminate us
(As well as a thousand praying mantises
All bowed
With their green claws clutched
Earnestly seeking mana from the sky
Or at least a grounded horsefly)

Our very little to say
Taking us hours
(Addressing the scars from the time
You held off electrocution
Those shocks that gave way to
Uneasy questions
Concerning immortality)
And now Rosebuds
In this new era of individuality
We listen To similar frequencies
(Late into the daybreak
Gradually forgetting the structure
That was our church-house)

James McInnes

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Trevor Spencer.. what can I say about the guy? I've known him since he'd just barely hit puberty. A tiny little guy (oh wait, he still is!) working at the 'Christian' camp with me. We were both rebels, anti-authoritarian trouble makers. We were the perfect match to become friends there! But.. we weren't. I can't remember the circumstances, but I do remember that we sure didn't get along there well. I think I wanted to kill him more than once. Trevor can have that effect on people.

So, somehow between then and now, we've managed to become closer. I don't know what changed. Time passed. We both grew. Though, Trevor mainly just grew more hair, while I got a lot.. wider. We did some drugs together. Bashed humanity and challenged authority together. Trevor went through some rough times, which I see no point in bringing up here or ever. He's said enough about them, and it's only his place to talk about them I think. The point is, something in my concience realized that there was more to Trevor than all the crap that came out on the surface, and though he sure made it a challenge at times, I stuck around and stuck up for him through these times. i didn't feel nearly as benevolent as he sometimes made me out to be, but in the end, I'm happy with what I did.

Then I fucked it all up by fucking his fiance. To be fair, she had managed to convince me that she wanted nothing more to do with him at that point. She was apparently a liar. The most telling thing about Trevor is that, even though I felt like what I'd done was surely unforgivable, irreconcilable, when it was all over and I tried to apologize, he said fuck that, let's just pretend it never happened and pick up where we left off. And truly it was easier than I could have possibly imagined. These shared experiences have given me an unprecedented glimpse into the boy's mind. Through good and bad, he never fails to amuse, shock, push the envelope of societal expectations.

He might not want you to know, but behind the cold, jaded exterior is a heart that sees the world much like I feel I do, with an incredible dose of understanding and patience and love. No matter much he might ever frustrate me or make me roll my eyes, I can always count on him being loyal and forgiving. He's a good kid, this Trevor! Regardless of what you might think you know about him, there's so much more under the surface. You just have to be clever enough, and observant enough to notice it. Happy 100th post, you ass licker!

:P Jon :)

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Living in Owen Sound was a rather frustrating thing to have to come to terms with. Never having had anything to do with people from that region before I had learned to do without human companionship for long periods of time. My girlfriend at the time, Stacey, had not. The times spent alone and the constant need for me to replace the plethora of friends and family which she had left behind when joining me on this seclusion to the backwaters. That is why when I was told that Stace had met a friend, a wiccan, on the bus on the way down from work I was really happy. Finally, she is starting to make friends and perhaps I won't need to be her sole companion all the time. Like a good hostess she invited them over for a toke, as we had nothing else to offer for social purposes and for those of you who know me, that's pretty much a staple.The door opens and there's Trevor and Morgan. I had first met Trevor when Jimmy and I had stopped by his apartment one day after work and watched some bizarre webshow which I barely remember. The whole thing comes back in a fog of memories at the time thought unimportant but that have since come clear as my first introduction to Trevor... unless I ran into his at Pizza Pizza, but that is even less important.Owen Sound being Owen Sound, I didn't really click with Trev or Morgan off the bat. We had some good times, enjoyed hanging out, but I find that the atmosphere of the area as well as the general feeling that I get about the citizens worth kept us from really progressing our friendship. We would hang out a couple of times, but that was about it. Then a few months after moving to Toronto I find out that Trevor is living in the big shitty, and even run into him at the Green Room, where he can't stay because he is still with... or again with Morgan who doesn't have ID and thinks she can avoid that situation by hiding in the washroom for awhile? Anyway, Trev and I thru a series of random encounters and a slow wearing away of Bruce Penn. distrust has become one of my best friends in Toronto, and in general I suppose as I really don't have that many friends that I would consider good, let alone best. And this is as close to blogging as you are going to get from me Trev. Sorry, but as I said, it just isn't my mode of communication... I'm at a loss. If you don't want to use this very confusing recounting of our introduction I completely understand. But it is, as I said, the best I can do at the moment and I don't want to hold up the whole 100th post just because I can't get this shit out.

David Power

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I only got this email now so checked to see if the 100th was all ready up and it it.But I see you may be adding more. If so:
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100 blog postsonly means 99 dividing lines between partial representations of a flowing consciousness. And, Trevor's 100 could easily be someone else's 1000.Two numbers which I can't natively visualize. I understand the concepts, but I can't picture 100 and differentiate it from 101. I need to rearrange it in my mind or the world. I can see the difference between a 10 X 10 square and one with and extra piece. But, there are no consistent units here.Trevor's unit is clearly quite large!This is when merely looking at word count, as if that unit has a consistent measure of meaning behind it.More than any of this there are levels between reason and excuse. Does Trevor needs either to celebrate? If no reason is reason enough, this is surely more. 10 fingers, 10 toes, 100 blog posts, time to party!This is not meant to downplay the accomplishment. It is quite an accomplishment, as it also was a week ago. When did it become an accomplishment?I will propose that it became an accomplishment as soon as he wanted it to be one.Now it is obvious.We never notice anything change.We only see something for what it is NOW, 'remember' when it was different, and infer change. These words are less for what Trevor has done, and more for what he will do.Counters tied to time only increase, and addition soon looses its thrill. I think Trevor, more than most, sees that 'anyone' can have 'anything' they want. The combination makes me think he now knows his next step, and I hope he goes off running. Congratulations on your numbers.Thank-you for the real world conversations.Can't wait to see what you have planned.
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We should hang out when you're next in Cuba. ---------->Martin

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erm.

The enigma, currently known as Trevor Spencer is perhaps one of the most formidably foul and loveable characters I've come to understand, appreciate and enjoy over these short years. There would be no justice to even begin to elucidate or dissolve his persona as truely, he's the most authentic entity you'll meet.My first encounter with the gent would have been in the summer of 2002. Basically, I was 'new' to the Owen Sound scene, musically and socially so and required some manifactured inspiration. Then there was our introduction. He was demanding, blunt, verbally wreckless and had pinache for anything that would shock or dismantle my peceptions. Needless to say I wanted no involvement with such an instrinsically laboured douche bag. However, this thought had only taken place because I was challenged.Once we hurdled over our descrepincies and found common grounds, a friendship was knitted by the powers of supreme misanthropy and heavy metal.And I feel no need to express memories of our joy and debotchery, for whomever was part of it understands that Trevor will teach youwhat you don't want to acknowledge at your most vulnerable moments. He'll teach you that life really is too short to listen to shitty music. He'll teach you that you're a piece of shit and to move on.Quite simpley, he teaches the sacred Druid philosophy of 'fuck it'And this is why I appreciate him. It's why I love him.It's why he has an updisputable loathe going on merely because we exist.It's Trevor Spencer.

Hello Trevor.

willie b.

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Fuck, I missed the deadline. And I really should be studying, so this'll be short and sweet. I don't really know you very well yet, Trevor. And I wanted to write a self-consciously awful poem for you containing threats of pink hair dye and rumbles. Something like:

Trevor's roots are yellow
but if my gloves are yellow
i will hold HOT FLAMINGO PINK
on my fingers
and smear it on his head.
pink magenta fuschia pink
I'll fight you, pinkhead.

But writing something so very awful is harder than I thought it would be. And I'm distracted because all I can think about is the time we got very drunk at Jimmy's and started yelling at each other. You yelled at me to stay overnight at Jimmy's house. I yelled at you that I had to work the next morning. We both yelled about race politics in the Greyhound station. All I really remember about that is us standing outside, smoking furiously, and you saying something that began with "I understand that you're sympathetic, but..." You're wonderful, Trevor. Let's draw on each other. I'll bring the chocolate easter eggs.
Kayla

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I like being difficult with Trevor

If I actually sent this on time, emailed it directly to you and made perfect sense in my emotionally open story about you for your blog, would you have a heart attack? just for me? lel: I pretty much think you are amazing. hi. sort of off, but that's how we met. me being overly friendly on an Owen Sound forum, and Trevor being bored in Toronto. I think we actually started when we realized Trevor could be an exceptionally bad influence on me, and I was his "kid". it took us about half an hour to figure this out. I still think its ironic, how we would be friends considering his hatred of teenagers, and me being a perfectly normal example of a stupid kid. I hate kids. I hate everyone else. except Trevor, because he's the only person who can (almost) be compared to my awesomeness haha. I guess we have a wierd weird relationship. I like listening to him talk. I like it when we find things contradicting and awkward, and not really normal, and I like talking to him. And I like puking emotion on him when he's not expecting it. He's got a lot of definite qualities, which I always have trouble placing on myself. His personality is shaped like a big splatter of paint on the sidewalk underneath you. Sometimes he sticks to your shoes and you walk around all day not realizing that you've just left Trevor all over your world :) which is not entirely a bad thing. so I encourage everyone to run into Trevor at some point in your life, and hopefully he will spread like a disease. maybe bring down the numbers in this overpopulated world.

lesley <3