So I...

...have been drawing blanks on blog titles. So I use the starting of my first sentence. Oh innovation when you aren't feeling creative. Maybe innovation is creativity. Who the fuck knows. I think maybe I am too powerful of a personality. People fucking love me when i am fun and in a good mood. But I can't ever be in a bad mood without them starting to feel the same way and reacting to me and being all combative and shit. Which isn't what I need. But I think people have the inability to give me what I need. I don't care about little stupid details to get bitched at for that I have gone over already. Especially in my current mood. I am tired as hell from work. I am tired as hell from the bullshit I had to wade through this week. But I didn't break down thank goodness. I am almost on top of things again.

I just need to remain isolated from people in general. Or be a little more fake. Which would be dumb. they are supposed to be my friends. People are weak though. Incredibly so. They let others moods affect them too much. Just because I am not in the same headspace as them it shouldn't be viewed as negative. I don't actually feel like I am in a negative mood. Just apathetic and I don't care in the slightest about people getting pissy because of little things or because of my mood. It is very low on my priority list of what to care about. though the world thinks you should at all times. Well most of it anyway. *sigh* Everything has gotten to that hazy point where time floats on by and I don't really make any clear memories. I have to work a double tomorrow because someone quit. Fuck I am not looking forward to that. But at least I am not being all idle and shit. That would be worse for me I do believe.

I find I am smoking just to stay awake during the early evening. I don't like to nap. Throws off your sleeping schedule then I would be a mess. I need to keep my sleeping schedule for sure. I get this feeling i want to bitch about something else. But my brain is slow and not extremely responsive. Kind of a different feeling. I have been sober all week and will be until next friday. Then I will probably get ripped\trashed\smashed\fucked\high\wasted\buzzed\lit\doped\shitfaced\etc. So high I won't remember my father's name. Wait. I already don't remember it. The num lock light bugs me in the state of mind I am in right now. I never have really noticed it to much before. The chemistry is a little off I think. My chemicals are swirling counter-clockwise. I think that is the opposite direction? Toilets and tornados and other things that twist I think always naturally go clockwise. I have a fifty percent chance of being right. I like to play the odds.

I wish I could meet someone with an RX for valium and never uses it. If anyone who reads this knows of anyone, let me know. That shit would be useful. Also an RX for effedrin for when I want a not so relaxed energized day. I think I am becoming the master of online poker. I win a lot now. It is inhyumane. But oh so fucking fun and very intellectually stimulating. I play one that is video poker so you can actually read faces which to me is important. Half the game is psychologically mastering and manipulating your opponents. I am very good at it. I think I need to run until I am exhausted. I did that a few days ago when it was really nice. What a rush. Adrenaline hammers your heart hardcore. But man did my muscles and lungs burn. I could tell I was a smoker let me tell you. I have discovered how fun things can be when they make you hot when it is cold. Like fucking about in the snow doing something that burns a lot of energy is great.

Because to refreshingly cool. You just stop fucking around. You cool right down. With all the ice on top of the snow. It is the perfect time to get smashed and go tobogganing. you would get crazy assed dangerous speeds out there. I wish I had a maid and a wife just so I could have an affair with the maid and cheat on my wife. I don't know why though. Seems appealing. Maybe I like the secretary idea better. Except I don't want the type of job that needs a secretary. I should learn something new as opposing to writing what is already in my head. Fuck you.