I smell spring.

Less than three weeks away. the official date of spring. I love the feeling of the cold months leaving and me being able to wander without my bones almost chattering from shaking when there are brisk freezing winds. I am pretty tired from being up really early. But I kind of don't mind getting tired at normal hours of the night. Especially when I have to work mornings lately. So it regulates my sleeping schedule. Jon's birthday is soon. So when he comes in next weekend I am going to buy him a shot or something. I am sure we will get pretty drunk. We aren't meeting up until ten or eleven. So before that I will get drunk with Jimmy. I like being drunk before the bar. I spend less money and I prefer bars when I am drunk. I haven't been ID'ed for anything in the longest time. I think I am starting to look older. Maybe it is the facial hair. I am not sure. I haven't been shaving lately. Just trimming.

My hair is getting really fucking long. I will adopt the pony tail soon just to keep it out of my face. Also preventative therapy from burning it when I light cigarettes. Which is a constant caution I am taking when I light up now. It is at that length where it drapes nicely over my cigarette. When the wind is blowing, it is very hard to avoid. I had a great conversation with my manager today. We quite often get into them. I would consider her my friend right now. We actually talk about really personal things now. I know she got a divorce because her husband was abusive. I told her shit about my upbringing and my father. How I have to make sure I don't carry on the legacy of abuse in my family. It has been there for generations. Those Christian men and there over abundance of control issues and anger issues. They are authoritarian as fuck. They love a religion that tells them there wives and family have to submit to there will. What a world we live in where this belief is dominant. Haha.

We are at the level where we lend each other money. About a month ago I lent her a hundred bucks. She is paying for her daughters house since she lost her job or something. So she is struggling with two families bills. I hope to know her long after our business partnership is done. She really is a wonderful sweet lady. But also elitest as fuck like I am. Hates stupid people. She loves stimulating conversation and she sais people her age don't engage in it enough. Which is why she loves talking to me. I thrive on political and social debates. We get pretty intense over it since she is a bit more conservative then I am. I would consider her a liberal. So she is still left. But not as left as my views. I just had a delicious platter of bacon and perogies. Damn son. It is a staple for me. Both meals I have had today had bacon. I had bacon and eggs earlier. But why the hell would you care what I ate?

But I guess what is important information is subjective. I can't always be fascinating when talking about my life. Mainly since my life has consisted of work and not much else as of late. Not until next Saturday is my next day off. *sigh* I am already quite tired. But money in my pocket. It is quite neccasary to have. I have had these little e-mail exchanges with Morgan as of late that are amusing. She reacted when I said she is probably fucking around on her boyfriend. Which tells me she is. I have no doubt that she has no ability to be faithful. I get kicks out of this shit. Say things to make people react and a reaction can tell you more then direct statements from then. Everyone has their own form of guilt complex. When you have discovered it over and over. it is like a red light going off. Incredibly obvious when it manifests. Even if only just in text. I told her that if she died I wouldn't even know and it wouldn't affect me. Which is a very true statement. She has no more bearing on my life.

It is a good feeling to be out of all that bullshit mess. I am young, but I have learned a lot. That was definately a learning experience. And it also tells me I will probably never be able to do worse than that, or even as bad. So every relationship will seem peachy as hell. Not that I am really in the field for one. But if it happens it happens. Whenever I have gotten into a relationship, I have never really been planning or expecting it. That is what is so great about it. I won't be drinknig next until on friday. that will mean two weeks being completely sober. Haha. I don't know that many people my age do that. But it is good. gets me all up and sorted. I think I got a little pissy with Nicole yesterday. I regretted it and sent her an e-mail later. I feel bad when I do that. She is one of the more important people in my life so I shouldn't take my shit out on her. But the other part of me is so comfortable with her that I feel I can run off what I am feeling without her getting to offended.

But people do get offended sometimes. It just happens. If they aren't in a great mood as it is, you can't expect them to remain sunny through your residual shitty mood. Though in that mood you are so self absorbed, you kind of expect them to. I have gotten into some intense conversations lately. I have come to realize how much different from teenagers I am. They always always disagree with me generally. Not only disagree with me, but think I am a terrible human being for my views. It makes them more angry when i tell them that there idealistic naive bullshit beliefs will fade, just as mine did and almost everyone does. I don't think it is sad really. i just think you learn that people don't matter as much as you get older. Just the people around you. you can't worry about the world and maintain your sanity. We wouldn't have to do so much good shit in the world if there wasn't so many shitheads doing negative stuff to the world. I don't think it is my responsibility to solve all the problems the people in power create by hording wealth, and goods, and letting people go hungry. Regardless of what people think, you do not have the power to stop that. But they do. So go assasinate some political figures or something. Take down the system a few notches and make them know that they aren't king of you. Even though, really they are. But if it makes you feel better, do that. At least it will raise some voices and controversy. Shake it up a bit. Anyways. I am off.