Horizons of Chaos II: Hypocrisy

I got up later today. I have felt groggy the last two days in the mornings. I think it has to do with the fact that I know it is blisteringly disgusting outside. That once I am up, I will have to go out there for a cigarette. Probably by the time I have gotten through with it, I will probably have to be removed from the balcony with a metal spatula. So my sister and I and hopefully my brother and co. are goni to Canada's Wonderland on Sunday. I haven't been in a couple years, so I am really excited. My sister is like me too and doesn't get tired of the coasters or wants to leave early or anything like that. I always am willing to stay longer and go on more rides then anyone I have ever gone with. They always get queasy or some shit. She will go on drop zone with me too. I fucking love that ride. The first time I went on it was one summer when I took my father. One of my failed attempts of trying to feel like a son or some semblence of family to the man. I went on the drop zone for the first time as soon as we were in there.

It was soooo ofucking high. I remember being pretty terrified when I was at the top. Then when it dropped, it was so fast and so tense that I couldn't even scream. When I got off at the bottom, my legs where like jelly from the adrenaline rush and I could barely walk. It was incredible. See, if a ride scares the fuck out of me and just punches adrenaline through my brain, to me it is an excellent ride and I want to go on it over and over again. Why people don't enjoy terror in controlled situations is beyond me. I don't ever want to feel the actual feeling of plummeting to the ground to my death. But I can live vicariously through it being half assedly simulated. Does anyone know if alcohol is served anywhere in the park? I never payed attention when I was there before. I was never a big drinker at that point in my life. But if I can't, I am just going to bring a bottle of wine and drink it before I go in. I have this sneaking suspicion that being smashed on roller coasters can be nothing but fun as fuck.

There is the chance it could be disasterous. For example, vomitting midway through the ride one veryone in the car. But who cares. You would always look back on that later on and laugh. Just as soon as you got through those few minutes of discomfort and embarassment and discomfort, it would be nothing but an amazing memory after that. Haha. Red Wine vomit. It would be pretty vile. I would hope I hit all the mall bitches with their Gucci $1700 handbags. Devon called me last night to tell me she was going to Dark Rave. I definately would have changed my mind about not going if I wasn't going to Wonderland early the next morning. I just wasn't going due to a long stretch of work and not wanting to get fucked up on my only day off in the last three weeks. I figured I might actually need to use it for rest this time. I am not though. I am going to Wonderland. But that won't be near as hard on me as doing exstacy. But my disappointment was lessened when I remembered I will see the woman at Summerfolk. Because I do miss the gal. It has been quite a while since I have seen her.

I am pretty sure last August was the last time I saw her. Almost a year ago now. I have never gone near that long without seeing her since I met her until now. That stretch will end soon enough though. She told me she is coming down Friday evening to party and drink. Good. I haven't seen Drunk Devon in far too long. I think it may have been Dim Rave that last time I saw her drunk. That was quite a while ago. Three more days off of work left including today. Pretty nuts. Haha. Before I was wondering if I would even know what to do with myself for a day off. If it would be weird. But I am glad I am going to be occupied now. Theme parks and family. Sounds like something I would have been doing if I was married. My family was shocked when I told them I wanted a vasectomy. They keep trying to tell me I would regret it later and all that other shit. As if my age has anything to do with me wanting kids. I have reached the stage of intelligence where I realize that for a person like me to have a kid is throwing my life away as I want to live it. So it is actually a very logical approach.

My Mom told me that would remove half the women on the planet who would want to marry me. Because women want kids with the man they love. Then I told her I didn't plan on getting married. Haha. Oh boy. I am such a disappointment to my family. They have 11 other kids to provide them with grandchildren and inlaws. Why do I have to as well? Such rediculous standards the family unit want you to live by. They want you to have a family and kids even if it would make you unhappy. The family unit is a pretty self serving group. The oldest ones alive want all the members that came ofter them to exist within their comfort zones. If they don't, you can be outcasts. Or you will have disappointed them and the awkwardness of knowing that and being treated like that can affect you. Family. So strange. So controlling. Or maybe my opinion of it is jaded. Because I do know people who have great families and great family experiences. But of course everything I ever say is from my point of view. I don't expect it to be taken as gospel. It is just me. My views. My experiences. All of ours vary so differently. Anyways ladies and gentlemen. I must be off for the day. I hope you have a lovely face melting day. Cheers!