Are You Dead Or Are You Sleeping?

Good morning fucks. It is now that time of day where I sit down and contemplate bullshit trying to verify myself as something special in the universe. Haha. I can't even type that without typing a laugh. I know I'm not special. I know I am not one in six billion. I am one of six billion. I had the weirdest thing this morning happen that I don't ever recall experiencing. For some reason I was dreaming of eating Broasted duck last night. God do I love that stuff. Haha. Someone who has never seen me and is reading my blog right now would probably assume I am some fat motherfucker due to me dreaming about food. But yes. So anyways, I was dreaming about eating it, I woke up this morning (It still really weirds me out to think of it) with the taste of the broasted duck in my mouth. It was there until I brushed my teeth! Very fucking strange. Will the body create things that the mind thinks is real? Because I have heard things like people who always think they are sick end up actually always being sick. Maybe there is something to this mind over matter shit.

Well I have never really doubted it. but I personally have never experienced it as vivdly as this. I know for a fact I will never forget this day because of that. Has anyone ever experienced something like that? Or is this a rare anomolie? Somehow I doubt that. As I just recently said. I don't believe I am special in any way really. I may be smarter then a retard and dumber then a genius. Doesn't really make me anything though. Fortunately there are some people on this planet who really like me and it would devastate them if I died today. Makes me feel special. But it wouldn't affect the world at all. My Aunt Nellie often falls asleep sitting up in the chair. She is over 80 years old. So when someone is that age, everytime I see them not moving and their eyes are closed, I question whether they are dead or sleeping. Gives me the heeby jeebies. I don't want to watch anyone else die in my life to be honest. I think it was an experience I could have lived without. Gestation of Worms by Odious Mortem is such a topnotch song. They have a riff that doesn't repeat in it for about 15 seconds.

Very well composed and it is groovy as fuck. I love it. I told Jaime to listen to Odious Mortem to wake up to this morning. I gave her some metal when I was up for Summerfolk. I am going to some wedding with her in September. I am getting her her nipple pierced then. It will be the second wedding I have gone to in my life. The first one I went too was my Grandma's second marriage. Not the one I live with. The other more heinous bitch. She is so heavenly minded, that she is of no earthly good. I feel more alive today then I have lately. I don't know why really. I didn't sleep longer or deeper that I know of. Maybe it was all the sun I got yesterday. Got tons of Vitamin D. Now my mind is all balanced and shit. Do you find you like most people you meet or dislike more people that you meet? Because I definitely dislike far more people that I meet then I like. Is there something wrong with me? Am I just an asshole? Because I actually don't believe I am.

There are just a lot of common characteristics in humans that I fucking hate. I can't get past them. Stupidity for example. Annoying voices. Ugly faces. Being fat. Etc. But I often think that just a lot of people just fake being less judgemental but still actually are. Because in my experience all people are judgemental pricks. Even me. I have tried not to be. But I have decided that to surround myself with people I can be comfortable with, I have to judge. People pick up on that and will distance themselves froms someone who judges them negatively. That makes it so I don't have to deal with them. Thus surrounding myself with people I love. Now I try not to be rude with my judgements. I won't outright tell someone I don't like them because they are stupid fat or annoying. I just exude an energy that gives them that feeling but doesn't give them specifics and doesn't put them in socially awkward positions. I guess I try to justify my judgements by doing it discreetly and politely. As I said to Jaime on the phone last night. It isn't my job to like everyone.

Or fake liking everyone. Once you grow a spine and get some life experience underneath you, you will know people in the world are just not going to like you at all. I know for sure there are people out there who dislike me and even downright loathe me. But I am comfortable with that. I generally don't like the kind of people who don't like me. Usually it has to do with personal clashes. But there are some people in the world. It is rare. But I know a couple people in the world who really don't like me at all. But I think they are amazing. And it really is my loss. Not theirs. But you can't have everything. Not until you are richer anyway. I think I am going to end on that note though. I hope you all have a productive and lovely day. I am pretty sure I will. Cheers!