Estrogen-Pathogen Exchange Program.

Good morning kids and assholes. The shower I had this morning felt amazing. Probably due to withdrawel symptoms of not having had one yesterday. I generally shower everyday. But yesterday I felt particularily lazy due to hardly any sleep from being up late and wakin gup early. But this past night I got a good sleep under my belt. I have to work today during the Pride Parade which is unfortunate. I really wanted to go. But you can't win them all. Not even close. My next day off isn't until Wednesday. What a fucking pointless day to be off. But I will try and do something for it anyway. Lauren, if she is still in town, we may take the ferry to the Toronto Island and go camping there. I have been talknig about it for a while but haven't done it yet. You all know how much I love camping. Maybe you don't. Well I love it this much. *Holds arms as far apart from each other as possible* times infinity. Work was fairly fucking busy yesterday. I closed on Saturday, so of course it would be. But I got the details about partying with that hot-deli department bitch on Friday.

Now I am not sure if I am going to go anymore. I told her so as well. Because I have to work at 8:30 in the morning on Saturday. She looked pretty crest-fallen. So I felt like an asshole. So I might just endure it anyway. I have done much more exhausting activities before work before. Like chemicals. This is just drinking at the club. Well that is what it is supposed to be. If that is all that happened I could handle it. But I mean, if she ends up wanting to take me home, and I am drunk enough to say yes. Then we will be up a lot of the night fucking around and I will be hungover and exhausted come morning. Hopefully she doesn't want to introduce me to her kids and shit. YIKES! I saw her eyes light up when she found out from Luigi that I was the oldest of 12. Haha. Just because I am good with kids, doesn't mean I want to be around them. I spent a very large portion of my life around the drooling, shitting, little homewreckers. I can do without them the rest of my life. But I know I won't. Because my siblings are going to have kids. My Mom might have more kids.

My family is just so huge, I am sure I am going to spend a large portion of my life welcoming another kicking and screaming little human being into the world. My family has started a Christian faction that could eventually take over the world. I know all my brothers and sisters except my and my brother don't believe in birth control and they do believe in God. So we will have bible thumping, baby popping people everywhere in no time. Kind of fucking scary. Breed out the sinners is their policy. Bear many children and raise them in the Lord. We will have lots of little minions for Christ. I will give them this. It is pretty fucking smart. For their cause I mean. The only smart thing. But man, imagine if that mentality and belief spread to a lot of people? To me that is an incredibly scary thought. have lots of kids. Homeschool them so you have complete brainwashing ability. Don't even let the public school system corrupt them. Teach them and tell them that if they don't believe everything you believe, you are going to burn for eternity.

That will scare the shit out of any kid. They will accept Christ. There you are. You have a ready made believer. I still struggle from time to time with sub-conscious fears of hell. That is how much it was ingrained in me. I was raised telling me all the things that make people burn in eternity for. Sometimes I still question that. But I don't take it too seriously, because I know it is something I will get completely over someday. At least that is what I hope. Still to this day, I don't know why I was the "black sheep" of the family. Why I turned out the way I did. There was a time where for sure I was absolutely sure God existed and that the bible was the only truth and that without him you were condemned. I completely believed that. Had spiritual experiences. Felt God was as real as anything else. I think my relationship with my Father had a lot to do with it. A lot of my observations of the church as well. But seeing all the judging, and realizing how judging I was too. That I was this little teenage shit who knew nothing about the world but felt he knew who was going to hell and who was going to be accepted into the kingdom of God.

I saw corruption and immorality in a place that claimed to be morally superior to everything else. Everyone was two faced because it is impossible for any human being to live by "God's standards". So they all have to live lies to appear like they are. My Father would travel around too many churches dragging his family along with him singing and witnessing to people everywhere. Using my baby brothers death to try and tug some emotional strings on people. Put his arms around us kids and tell pastors and church folk how great we are and how much he loved us. But then at home of course he would be yelling at us and smacking us around. After years of that is when I turned my back on it all. I was surrounded by hypocrites condemning most of the people in the world to hell. Everyone was wrong except them. They had found that key to eternal happiness. Associating with anyone else who believed otherwise was a sin. Religion is a very scary thing for me.

Part of me wonders if its power will grow. But also, a lot of me is seeing more and more people realize the incredible rediculousness of it. We have grown older as a society, and a big invisible father figure in the sky is an absurd thought. I was just sitting here trying to remember how I got into this topic when I wrote today. It definately wasn't planned. Well, I don't usually plan anything. I guess maybe it has been on my mind as of late. I don't know why really. Religion affects us all. So it is something I find myself mulling over frequently. It is a beast that needs slaying. I know I ragged on Christianity a lot in here. But that is because it is the religion that affects me the most and is one of the most pwoerful there are. Don't get me wrong, I hate all religion equally. I just choose to talk about the one most of us have some knowledge about. Most of us have had some connection with. Easier to stay on the same page. Maybe Tuesdays will be my anti astro-zorianism day. Haha. Anyways, I think I am going to wrap up here for the day. I hope you all are having\had a lovely weekend. Cheers!