I am in a very conflicted mode right now. Confused. But at the same time I am only confused about how to deal with the clarity that is smoking me in the face. That was very vague I know. But details are time consuming and if you actually are interested, you can just talk to me. Which you all do. I feel pretty emotionally tired trying to figure out what is wise and what is not. Though my rational mind tells me exactly what to do and is probably right. But fuck, naturally I am an adventurous human being. I don't want everything set out exactly so I know what the outcome will be. But I have to tread the line where I make sure I don't lose who I am. Though I don't think there is much chance of that. I am pretty steadfast in who I am and the path my life is on right now. I figure if I set things on fire or something it will solve all. Whenever I write something like that, (setting things on fire) a small part of me wonders if I could somehow get in trouble with the law.
Say someone just so happened to burn down a building in my area and then they read this in my blog. Haha. That would be interesting to try and explain that it was only coincidence. But I have confidence in my ability to show some dumb cops that I am innocent. Nicole came over last night. She was trashed before she even got here. I mean rediculously trashed She stumbled with me to my place from the Go station. I played a little catch up with some wine after we got back. Though I didn't get near as trashed as that. I have to work soon. So I didn't want to be hungover as all fuck. I am having an interesting conversation with an old friend who is a bible thumping Jesus lover. I am telling her that her Lord and Saviour is just a crutch because of her insecurities of being an "imperfect human being". Whatever the hell that means. I don't know who invented what is perfect and what is not.
Very subjective subject if you ask me. I am going to go downtown tonight after work. Nicole is going to be stripping and I still haven't seen her. She will give me two lap dances for $20. I would be stupid to not take her up on it. I figure my first lap dance mine as well be from someone I know very well. I wish I could take my clothes off for that kind of money. I am in the wrong line of work. I would give blow jobs for a nominal fee. I am not really giving this blog my full attention because I am talking to Will. So I am coming back and typing every now and then which may or may not make this a lame post. o after much debate (not really). I have decided to come back to this when I am not an ADD kid. I am sure I will have exciting shit to tell you all tomorrow. Going into Toronto always makes for a good story. It is where the sinners unite and do shit to make the godly cringe. I am a morally desolate soul. I am burning in hell. Who would have known it was so much fucking fun?
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That's what the missionaries need to know. That burning hell is the best and most pleasurable way to go. If I thought that getting baptized would get me off as much as drugs and promiscuity, you'd bet your ass I'd be in line every day of the week for that shit. It'd sure be cheaper. But the way we live isn't for everyone. It takes a certain amount of bravado, and a relativisation of the importance of one's own life. For some there's nothing scarier than death. For us, there's nothing scarier than boredom.
XOXOX
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