Thank God it is almost spring

I see all the snow falling. But part of me is happy knowing I have survived another winter and warmer months are ahead. It is actually pretty mild out. I just got back from the store to buy my carton of gorgeous J.P.S. I was smoking Djarums which is perfectly fine by me. They are incredible cigarettes let me tell you. Jon is coming up in less then two weeks. I am pretty excited about that. Don't know what exactly we are going to do yet. But we might drop and wonder the city tripping. Toronto is going to get a hell of a lot more fun once it is warm out again. Though it is more fun spending winter here then Owen Sound. I walked a lot more in Owen Sound because it was hard to justify using transportation in a town where you can walk everywhere. In Toronto you sure as hell can't. Jimmy and I sat around Saturday night watching hockey and drinking wine. Nicole was there a bit. But she was feeling sick and left pretty early.

Everyone is getting sick these days it seems. A bug going around. But yes, Jimmy and I got really trashed. I brought 5 bottles of wine and we drank all of them. We hung out in his room after hockey until about 6 in the morning listening to rap, and Jimmy reading me some of his creative writing he has been doing for school. He also read me a part of "The Way the Crow Flies" by Anne Marie McDonald. He went to her reading the day before so he read me what she had read. She is an incredible writer. I have only read "Fall on Your Knees". It was amazing. I am currently reading Denis Johnson's book of poetry. An amazing writer that man. After I am done it, I am gonig to read "Train Dreams". Having Nicole around all the time is still kind of a shocking feeling. But really good. She needed to come and live here. She told me yesterday that she has been more social then she has ever been for a long time here. She likes the group of people we are a lot which has gotten her out more.

There is always shit to do. The beauty of Toronto. Today is the kind of day that I am tempted to go outside. there aren't too many days here where it is snowing nice and fluffy, not that cold, and it isn't bloody windy as all shit. Soo it is pleasant to be out there. I may venture to the park. I am going to hang out with Chiaki today. Great gal. Over the months we have become very close. We hit it off right away when she was training me at the Wine Rack. My job is going well. I like it. I am always tired when I go these days. But that is how it goes when you are my age and have lots of shit to do that impedes on sleep time. But I don't really prioritize sleep very highly. I figure at some future date I can always catch up. But it usually doesn't happen. I know people tell me I am taking years off of my life by not sleeping. But I am also with smoknig. But I enjoy being awake and I enjoy smoking. So I will live with that until I die from it. I got to die from something right? Mine as well be for something I enjoy.

Many things change in life. this past year has been quite a large one. It has almost been a year ago now since Morgan left me for the first time and I moved out here struggling through a very dark and depressing period. Even my memories of that time has a very dark hue to it. A completely different state of mind. Mine is far healthier now. I am not dependent on anyone else. I am pretty independent. I don't need to live with my Grandma even. If she got sick or anything and I couldn't live here anymore, I could always transfer downtown and live with friends. Now I see Nicole all the time which is strange. I never talk to the woman who at one point I was convinced I would spend my life with. Oh past naivetes. I learn and I grow. I am more self confident now which is why I would not settle for that bullshit anymore. I know I can do better. Though single hood has incredible advantages. I wouldn't be able to have participated in all the shananigans that I have had if I had some sort of pointless commitment that seems to always have an expiry date. This is the time where I have to live my life a little wildly. Not many women can handle that. I don't expect them too either.I need a bagel. I am feeling Jewish today I guess. Bye, you gorgeous people.