Early early early

This is the first Saturday in a long time I have had to work. I think I have only worked twice on Saturday since I started working here. Man do I have to get up early. We open an hour earlier on Saturday for some reason. As if people will actually be up to buy wine at nine in the morning. I didn't go to bed as early as planned. I tried to sleep around ten or so. But I just layed there for a couple hours with no luck. Then I got up and came out here and was on MSN until about 1 something. This has been a pattern this week. I have had the opening shift the last three days. But usually I have good reasons for being up late. Not last night but the two nights before I talked to Lesley a couple hours on the phone. That was the highlight for me this week. It is hard to get into a flow of what I want to write when I am this exhausted. But by the time I am done this ccoffee and have had a couple of more cigarettes, I will be ready to tackle the world head on. At least I hope. I generally am. I like mornings. It is very peaceful. I think I like them almost as much as night time. I can be quiet in my own head. Plus my thinking is a lot less linear this early in the morning. A tired brain fascinates me. it is almost a kind of unfamiliar feeling no matter how often I wake up early. Mornings always seem brand new. I wonder if your brain feels like this when you are born. Nicole is coming up again in the beginning of February. I am pretty excited about that. When she came up New Year's it was a damn good time. But no matter what you generally always have a good time in Toronto. It has been such an awkward few days for me. It is strange. I feel like a blushing bashful teenager again. Self-conscious but aware of it very much. I haven't felt like this since... well, I don't need to get into details about it. But sine the last time someone very important and prolific came into my life. So it is a pretty unfamiliar feeling to me. But usually I like things that feel unfamiliar. Things that yank me away from what I have built up as my comfort zone. Comfort zones are comfortable, but they aren't really all to challenging. or maybe the challenge is trying to stay comfortable. I think that is probably generally why we pursue our careers and goals. To make money to eat and have a place to stay so we aren't uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong. Comfort is important. But our standards of it are so high that you have to work your ass off your whole life for it. Unless you figure out a way to beat the system. I am working on it. I don't want to have a regimented schedule my whole life. I want more freedom then being productive in society allows. Not being able to do things due to work or the need to sleep can be annoying. it teaches discipline which I guess can be important. But sometimes you just want to shatter that all to bits and be like "fuck it!" But I won't until I can be sufficient. Well I am going to wrap this up due to having to be at work in a little bit. I need more cigarettes and coffee. But then again I need a lot of things. I need a loving partner. I need an espresso. I need a blow job. I definately need a beautiful woman to say goodbye to me and kiss me before I head off to work so I can look forward to seeing her when done. But my woman today is Jimmy. I am excited to see him for sure. It has been two weeks. I usually see him every weekend. But due to me being in Owen Sound last weekend, I am going through withdrawel. Fuck yes! It is hockey day in Canada. All six canadian teams are playing. We are going to watch the first two games while drinking wine. Then after them we are going to go to a sports bar and get more drunk and watch the game there. You who are reading this. I love you. I am sending the love vibes your way. I am that tingle in your spine. I am the camera in your bathroom.