Well. I decided to write an actual post. It has been awhile. But a lot has happened and I need to sort out my thoughts. Writing them out is the best thing I think. First things first. I get up at 5 A.M. this morning to walk to work for seven. Only to find out I was mistaken. I don't work a double today. Just at the Wine Rack at four. I couldn't go back to asleep. Once my brain is up it is up. But I will feel it later. I think I was up until three last night. I am single now. A year off the market is a long time for me. The longest. But time has nothing to do with it ending. Well. I guess time is always to blame. With enough of it, shit always happens. I have been sitting here trying to not write about details that aren't my business to discuss. This will be a dissected version of what happened. It was a long distance relationship. Those things are generally doomed anyway. Usually someone cheats or the distance isn't handleable anymore. In this case she couldn't handle the distance. And I didn't want to be something negative in her life. So ending it was a mutual decision basically.
I am trying to be just thankful for what I did get from it. It is a relationship that started over the internet and was an open relationship. Then it grew to true caring and love. And quite frankly ended up lasting wayyy longer then I would have thought. And it was an amazing year. But some douche bag said "all good things must come to an end." Because that ass hat said that, we all believe it, and our belief makes it true. I'd like to kill that motherfucker. Sometimes it is hard not to hold some sort of resentment towards someone who can't get a grasp of themselves so you get dragged into their personal turmoil. But quite frankly it is normal in life. You get people involved in your shit, they get involved in yours. Nothing you can really do. She was supposed to come up today. I don't think that is happening now. Haha. Fuck I need a good sleep under me. It has been some time. I have some Amsterdam Nut Brown Ale in the fridge. When I am done work I am going to get slammed.
I deserve to get smashed and I need it. And I have a good excuse for drinking by myself I think.I was talking to my brother yesterday. He knows I just need a distraction from just dwelling on shit for a bit. Well. My two jobs do that well for me. But actually go out and have a good time. So for Canada Day I think he is going to come get me and we are going up to hicksville Bruce County and party it up red neck style. Haha. Probably doesn't sound like something I would enjoy doing. But quite frankly I have a fuck of a time with my brother. He is such a weird kid. He says the same thing about me though. Hard to believe we are related. I hope I am coping with all this ok. I need to be supportive but keep my distance at the same time and through all that shit, do my best not to hurt her feelings. Haha. Fuck. Relationships are too god damned complicated over nothing. I need to just have friends and fuck women. The dating scene is tiresome. Mostly because it just seems to be the same shit over and over.
Little things becoming big and simple things becoming complicated, and logic going right out the window because emotions are flying around like cluster bombs. Misinterpretations. Easily getting offended. Assumptions of trying to cause the other pain. Seems to be underlying shit. But at the same time. Trying to navigate through it all is an acceptable challenge. Guess it tests how much of a people person you really are. Though I don't know how much of a people person I am. But I just look on the bright side. I could have had Jaime and lost, or I could be like Jimmy and still be with Margeaux. Haha. I think my side of the fence is greener. At the end of all this, I am a little confused, a lot hurt, but perfectly OK. Change is something that is easier to handle for me now. That is the only thing that really makes these things hard. There are 3,000,000,000 women on the planet. Why else should you be worried? You would have to be a pretty insecure fuck to not think you can't find someone else and she was "the one".
I mourn the loss of a past that will not continue into my future. But there will just be a different one. And I am sure it will be just as good. Once my head and emotions align, I will be fine. I didn't mean to Rhyme that. Really I swear. My cat hasn't been three feet away from me since all of this happened. She knows I have felt down since "the phone call". My cat loves me and has been comforting. Usually my cat doesn't sleep in my room because I close the door and keep them out. But when I went to go to bed yesterday I closed my door and shit and was feeling pretty weird over a conversation I had just had. But my cat kept sticking her paws under the door and moving the door back and forth until the sound annoyed me soooo much that I let her in. She slept curled right into me all night. It was a comfort considering I felt particularily lonely last night. Get a kitty. They are amazing. Boy this is old school Trevor post length. I wouldn't even want to read through all this shit. Other peoples reflections are lame. I wouldn't read yours. Go do something productive.
I am trying to be just thankful for what I did get from it. It is a relationship that started over the internet and was an open relationship. Then it grew to true caring and love. And quite frankly ended up lasting wayyy longer then I would have thought. And it was an amazing year. But some douche bag said "all good things must come to an end." Because that ass hat said that, we all believe it, and our belief makes it true. I'd like to kill that motherfucker. Sometimes it is hard not to hold some sort of resentment towards someone who can't get a grasp of themselves so you get dragged into their personal turmoil. But quite frankly it is normal in life. You get people involved in your shit, they get involved in yours. Nothing you can really do. She was supposed to come up today. I don't think that is happening now. Haha. Fuck I need a good sleep under me. It has been some time. I have some Amsterdam Nut Brown Ale in the fridge. When I am done work I am going to get slammed.
I deserve to get smashed and I need it. And I have a good excuse for drinking by myself I think.I was talking to my brother yesterday. He knows I just need a distraction from just dwelling on shit for a bit. Well. My two jobs do that well for me. But actually go out and have a good time. So for Canada Day I think he is going to come get me and we are going up to hicksville Bruce County and party it up red neck style. Haha. Probably doesn't sound like something I would enjoy doing. But quite frankly I have a fuck of a time with my brother. He is such a weird kid. He says the same thing about me though. Hard to believe we are related. I hope I am coping with all this ok. I need to be supportive but keep my distance at the same time and through all that shit, do my best not to hurt her feelings. Haha. Fuck. Relationships are too god damned complicated over nothing. I need to just have friends and fuck women. The dating scene is tiresome. Mostly because it just seems to be the same shit over and over.
Little things becoming big and simple things becoming complicated, and logic going right out the window because emotions are flying around like cluster bombs. Misinterpretations. Easily getting offended. Assumptions of trying to cause the other pain. Seems to be underlying shit. But at the same time. Trying to navigate through it all is an acceptable challenge. Guess it tests how much of a people person you really are. Though I don't know how much of a people person I am. But I just look on the bright side. I could have had Jaime and lost, or I could be like Jimmy and still be with Margeaux. Haha. I think my side of the fence is greener. At the end of all this, I am a little confused, a lot hurt, but perfectly OK. Change is something that is easier to handle for me now. That is the only thing that really makes these things hard. There are 3,000,000,000 women on the planet. Why else should you be worried? You would have to be a pretty insecure fuck to not think you can't find someone else and she was "the one".
I mourn the loss of a past that will not continue into my future. But there will just be a different one. And I am sure it will be just as good. Once my head and emotions align, I will be fine. I didn't mean to Rhyme that. Really I swear. My cat hasn't been three feet away from me since all of this happened. She knows I have felt down since "the phone call". My cat loves me and has been comforting. Usually my cat doesn't sleep in my room because I close the door and keep them out. But when I went to go to bed yesterday I closed my door and shit and was feeling pretty weird over a conversation I had just had. But my cat kept sticking her paws under the door and moving the door back and forth until the sound annoyed me soooo much that I let her in. She slept curled right into me all night. It was a comfort considering I felt particularily lonely last night. Get a kitty. They are amazing. Boy this is old school Trevor post length. I wouldn't even want to read through all this shit. Other peoples reflections are lame. I wouldn't read yours. Go do something productive.
P.S. Isn't that picture amazing? How can you not love Death Metal?
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