Just think, when your Mother is dead you won't have to celebrate this holiday anymore.

Good morning everyone. Beginning of a new week. Today is my ninth and final day in a row of working. Then I get Tuesday off. What a weird day to have off. It is the day I usually place the order too. But I think my manager is going to handle it this week. I have not ventured outside yet but it looks like it will be kind of chilly. Kayla and Seb apperently left for New York last night. I am glad they went. Out of the blue trips I reccomend very highly. That was weird and I think it might have been the very firwst time I have ever done it. When I typed "highly" a line or two ago, I hit the "h" twice. Once with my right index and once with my left. Usually when I double-tap letters it is with one finger. Never with different ones from different hands. My Grandma just got frusterated with me for not talking to her very much lately. It is something that people get on me about too often if I live with them. I go through these stages where small talk and good mornings and all that bullshit just seems very exhausting to me and I don't participate in it. I also don't want to talk about how I feel or why I feel.

She gets offended because of it even though it has nothing to do with her. I don't know what it is about women that need you to talk about your feelings or anything just to justify their presence in the same room as you. Morgan would also talk to me about it when I was living with her. I would get incredibly frusterated that I can't just not talk for a bit without people questioning reasons and wondering if I was alright or if I was depressed and shit. Sometimes my mind feels like it has better things to do then to engage in mindless chit-chat. Or any talk for that matter. I don't really know why yet. But sometimes I just want to co-exist with someone without the feeling of silence being empty space that they have the need to fill. Silence is healthy. It is good for reflection and contemplation. It is also good for gathering and preparing yourself. Everyday I am usually incredibly quiet before work. I don't know why. I feel the need to mentally prepare myself for it. I want to be able to explain this to my Grandmother.

That just because I am not taling to her doesn't mean I don't love her. It means nothing more then just the fact that I don't want to talk. People read to much into it. I should just quote her all the scriptures that talk about silence and wisdom running hand in hand. Her being Christian and all it might be the best way to get across to her. But I kind of feel like a douche when I bring up scripture if I want to make a point with my Grandmother. Just for the simple fact it is insincere. I don't believe that bullshit. She knows I don't. So it could be frusterating for her when I mirror her belief in her face. Though it is something in general I have loved to use against Christians. But my Grandma isn't just a Christian. She is my Grandma. Though I disagree with her, I respect her. I can't say that for most religious zealots. You all don't know it. But right there I was blanked out for like five minutes. I was off in my own little world zoned out on the sound of the carpet shampooer. So what did you all do for your Mom yesterday. I know the title of this blog was brutal. But really, I love my Mom. A lot.

We have our differences. But I expect that is to be expected with people of the opposite sex and a different generation. Who these days has a lot in common with there family anyhow? I don't expect a lot. The family unit is kind of a joke anyway. I am more likely to be killed by them then a stranger. Also more likely to be raped by them. Families don't have a very good rap. Did you know cops are called for domestic disturbances more then any other crime? Seems to me like a lot of families hate each other. Maybe that is tearing the moral fabric of western civilization. Maybe there is no such thing as morality. If there is, maybe we don't have a good grasp of what it is. So if your Dad doesn't hit you or rape you. Or your parents aren't drunks and assholes. Or your Mom doesn't let an Uncle babysit that touched you when you are a kid, you got a pretty good home life. Maybe your parents don't let you go out as much as you wanted. Or maybe they yell at you sometimes. But if that is the extent of your troubles. You got it going on. But remember, everyone is a fuck up. Including parents. And if you ever become a fuck up... I mean parent someday, you are going to fuck up as well. Anyways. I hope you made your Mom feel special. I also hope you don't need a holiday for an excuse to do so. Love you Mom. Cheers!