Sooo. Writing yes. Haven't done it in a while. Feel rusty. Feel tired. All good things to feel when you want to write and not give a shit. That is generally the reason I write in the mornings. That little voice of reason doesn't come in to tell me "but but... what about all the little bitches that might not like what you say?" Which is how I want it to be. Third party affected writings are lame. And pretty obvious as well. I think I used to write at night sometimes. Until I realized the difference in doing this when I was only half alive yet. Also when I write it, it usually means I don't remember what I write. So I get to come back later with a small amount of enjoyable anxiety wondering what the hell I may have written. There are ways of getting around your own minds insecurities. I have found them. I was thinking yesterday at how fucking incestuous our group of friends are. That of course being Nicole, me, Jimmy, Kayla, Dave, and Mike. We just all fuck around with each other and it doesn't matter. And it shouldn't. It makes me glad that we are comfortable enough to be able to do something like that.
In fact I think the only person to not fool around with another person in this group is Jimmy. But if anyone wasn't going to do it. It would definately be him. So I am not surprised. But all this means is that we will have the least sexually frusterated group of friends in the world. We all know where to get no strings attached lays. I am not talking malaysian child slaves either. I only use them during the week when I am not in Toronto. This is completely on a side note. The radio is playing in the backround and I am always half listening to it. I like to be caught up on current events around the world and listen to a hell of a lot of news. But does anyone know when they started calling "burglaries" "home invasions"? I know it has been for a little while now. I know the news likes to pick different terms for things to make them sound better or worse. Now soldiers are "freedom fighters". Rape is now called "surprise sex". Oh wait. That wasn't the news. That was Jimmy. But pay attention to terms the news use. You can be discerning when listening to it if you begin to recognize their patterns.
I now listen to it enough to start noticing things. Wondering what emotions they are trying to evoke from me by saying a certain thing. Or what they may want me to feel apathetic about. Though the corporate wheel is fairly smart and good. They aren't smarter then me. I refuse to believe that and want to try and see through media games and influence. I slept four 12 hours last night. I really really needed it. I am starting to burn out because of all the working I have been doing. So I need to start sleeping more. I don't know. This past weekend really did me in. I was back and forth into Toronto twice. I worked in between. Hardly slept at all due to staying in thinking we were going to dark rave. But Inland Empire was amazing. I got to see it with Mike Siegrist and Tom Hilley. They are both pricks. But what are you going to do. I still love them. The one beef I had with the movie is that it could have been an hour shorter if they cut out the scenes with the characters walking through the hallways with incredulous expressions on their faces.
I think I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't been intent on wanting to leave soon because of Dark Rave. So it kind of ruined it a bit for me. Especially since I didn't go. On Saturday we went to the Marijuana March at Queen's Park. There fucking thousands and thousands of people there. We just layed out in ths un. Someone had brought a joint or three and we smoked. Saw the woman I am going to marry walk by me, three times in the form of different beautiful women. But she had the same glisten in her eye. That dick sucking glisten I love. Friday night when I got into Toronto it was kind of lame. We just sat around at Jimmy's. Got smokey eyed and edid fuck all because everyone was being a piece of shit and not wanting to do anything So soon after Dave arrived we left with Seb because we decided it was pretty boring there. It was weird. No one seemed up to going and doing anything this weekend. They used excuses like tired and yadda yadda yadda. I guarantee you I had been working more then any of the ones complaining about being tired. Damned burn outs.
I have had some fucked up shit happen in my family that has been cause to a lot of stress in me latey. Not going to get into it. It is something kind of awkward to address and talk about. But I thought I would mention it. So you will know if I seem a little off. But please, don't ask me about it or anything. I don't really want to talk about it. No. Not even if you are a good or best friend. It is something I don't want to talk about. Just be nice and understanding people. Not inquisitive. Maybe in due time you will know. Maybe. But I doubt it. I realize more and more everyday how completely of a fucked up family I come from. Though I seriously doubt there are families out there that are not fucked up. But mine is fucked up in a special way different then most people. I saw "Next" with Nicolas Cage. It wasn't too bad. It had Jessica Biel. She is smoking hot. It had Julianne Moore. She is alright I guess. Red headed dyke that she is. And you all know she is a dyke. She pretends to be straight so her catholic mother doesn't rape her. That is how my biography of her would go anyway.
Someday I should write an unauthorized biography of someone. I am sure I would make them a hell of a lot more interesting then they actually are. I would have to pick the most dry person on the planet. Like Kathy Lee or Regis Philban. Actually Kathy Lee is a Christian. I would have to pick on her. Oh and guys, don't be douches. I work a lot the next little while. So come into Mississauga and visit me. But I am going to wrap this up. It is plenty long enough. HA! That is what they all say. *wink wink* Cheers!
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