Bizzam sonny.

Well. It has been an interesting last day or so. I didn't sleep well last night and woke up today feeling a bit like I had done a bunch of E last night. Which was a strange feeling to have. I had a lot on my mind. A friend is going through a pretty rough time right now. It is really hard on me. But. In the end I have to remain as upbeat and understanding as I can. I don't want to be a depressing influence. I have this secret that Lesley and I named Charles. I know what it is. She doesn't. Charles hounds me day and night and is constantly on my mind. Begging to be revealed by the emotional side of me. But needing to be hidden by my logical side. I think about Charles often and analyze everything about him. I even try to manifest this bit of information in my head into looking what I would think a Charles should look like. Maybe that is just something to distract me from the real issue at hand. I talked to Lesley for about ten hours straight yesterday. It was craziness. When I got off the phone with her I realized I hadn't eaten all day. I woke up in the morning and went to work. I never eat breakfast. Then when i got back from work I was talking to her the rest of the day. Funnily enough, I didn't notice until after we were done talking. I have to train someone today. I hope they aren't stupid. I feel like my patience isn't very good today. But I will have to put myself up to the task nonetheless. I know it makes training harder when you are nervous because someone is pissy and short with you. it just makes them afraid of making mistakes therefore usually making more. So. I got to put on a happy face and be very pleasant. She will be a better worker if she feels relaxed around me. That is how I work anyway. To my friend going through a rough time right now. I care about you very much. There is support all around for you right now. I hope you won't be too proud to accept it. You have changed how I view people and have grounded me at times. You have made a difference in many peoples lives. That is more then a lot of people can say for there whole life. Whether or not you have monetary value or not. You have made great contributions to individuals. I value that much higher then any other success. You have had a caring, understanding, and loving attitude towards the people around you. Quite often even when you didn't feel up to doing that. You have great ideas and a good grasp of knowlege of this world. You have used that to teach others. I think lots of people have learned from you. I know I have. I just lost my train of thought to looking out the window and being blown away for the millionth time that it is january out there and that it is sunny and looks so nice. One thing that always gets me down about winter is how it is always grey and desolate looking. It hasn't really been that way this year. Speaking of which. I haven't burned my monthly quota of one metric ton of styrofoam yet. Anyways, I think that is all I got to say for now. I got to go get myself in the headspace for training someone new with some coffee and cigarettes.