WH-AT=EV+ER

SO I AM GOING TO USE CAP LOCKS BECAUSE OF A FUCKED SHIFT KEY. I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A LONG TIME. LET ME TELL YOU. SHIT HAS HAPPENED. I THINK I PROBABLY HAVE TO BE PRETTY VAGUE TO AVOID SLANDER AND ALL THAT SHIT. I HAVE ALREADY BEEN SLANDERED A LOT. SO DON'T MIND ME IF I DO IT TO MYSELF. SO MY HOPES AND DREAMS HAVE CRASHED AND BURNED AROUND MY EARS. MY FAULT GENERALLY. AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I KEEP BEING TOLD. THOUGH NOTHING IS THE SOLE RESPONSIBILITY OF ONE PERSON. JUST MY ACTIONS WERE. BUT THEN MY DREAMS HAVE RISEN UP AGAIN. IN THE WOMAN I LOVE. SHE APPERENTLY LOVES ME AGAIN. WHETHER THAT IS TRUE OR NOT, REMAINS TO BE SEEN. I AM SKEPTICAL. MOSTLY BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I WAS IN THIS SITUATION. THINGS TURNED OUT BADLY. BUT WHATEVER. I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART. ONLY THEN IS THIS WORTH ALL THE RISK IN THE WORLD. AT LEAST THAT IS HOW I RATIONALIZE EVERYTHING. THOUGH RATIONAL THOUGHT ISN'T THE ONLY WAY ALL THE TIME. I HAVE DONE THE WRONG THING AND THE RIGHT THING. BUT GENERALLY I AM ON THE RIGHT PATH AS FAR AS MY LIFE JOURNEY GOES. THERE IS SOME DRAMA GOING ON WITH WHAT I HAD CONSIDERED A CLOSE FRIEND. MY LIFE IS SOME CHEESY BULLSHIT DOAP OPERA THAT MY FRIEND JIMMY AND I LAUGH OVER FREQUENTLY BECAUSE OF HOW REDICULOUS IT REALLY IS. I THINK THAT IS WHY HE IS ALWAYS TELLING ME TO RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. BUT WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND RUNS FROM LOVE? NOT ME. BUT WHO IS TO SAY I AM IN MY RIGHT MIND EITHER? THEY SAY LOVE IS INSANE. SO GIVE ME INSANITY ANYDAY. I NOW LIVE IN THE GTA. HEAD AND HEELS OVER OWEN SOUND LET ME TELL YOU. THE PEOPLE ARE GREAT. THE WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL AND THINK I HAVE "SMALL TOWN CHARM". WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. I NEVER EVEN REALIZED THAT UNTIL I CAME UP HERE THAT APPERENTLY I AM OBVIOUSLY SMALL TOWN LIKE. THEY THINK I HAVE JUST SMOKED A LOT OF DOPE BUT DON'T KNOW WHAT COCAINE IS. THEY DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT MY SMALL TOWN OBVIOUSLY. SOMETIMES IT IS HARD UP HERE. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A PRETTY BUSY SOCIAL LIFE, I MISS ASPECTS OF LIFE I SHARED WITH PEOPLE IN OWEN SOUND. BUT I THINK THEY ARE BEHIND ME NONETHELESS AND I WILL GET OVER IT. I DON'T FEEL LIKE WADING THROUGH THE BULLSHIT DRAMA UP THERE. IT REALLY IS REDICULOUS. YOU HAVE NO IDEAD. I WAS PRETTY OVER DRAMATIC FOR A WHILE THERE. NOW I AM MORE MEH ABOUT THINGS. I STAY HEALTHILY REMOVED SO I DON'T GET ALL ANXIOUS AND DESPERATE LIKE I WAS BEFORE. IT CAUSED ME TO DO SOME STUPID HURTFUL SHIT TOWARDS MORGAN. OH BY THE WAY. I AM NO LONGER ENGAGED. I AM A SINGLE PATHETIC 22 YEAR OLD MALE NOW. BUT IF THE CHANGES IN MY LIFE AREN'T BULLSHIT. THAT WILL SOON CHANGE. GOD IF YOU READ MY BLOG. LET ME IN ON THE SECRETS OF THE FUTURE. I WILL MAKE BETTER DECISIONS WITH THAT ABILITY TO TRANSCEND TIME, STEP BEYOND IT AND VIEW THE PATHS I COULD POSSIBLY TAKE. BUT THERE IS NO GOD AS FAR AS I KNOW. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ANYWAY. I KNOW I LOOKED FOR A LONG TIME IN MY LIFE. NOW I JUST LOOK FOR THINGS IN LIFE THAT I CAN ACTUALLY FIND. MY FRIEND IS BECOMING A WEBCAM GIRL IN A FEW WEEKS. ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO GO ON A LIVE CAM AND DO SEXUAL SHIT LIKE DILDO THEMSELVES AND ALL THAT FOR A SMALL FEE OF 4.99 A MINUTE. PRETTY CRAZY. BUT AMUSING NONETHELESS. I PLAN ON HITCHING TO MONTREAL THIS SUMMER. I HAVE REDISCOVERED THE JOYS OF HITCH HIKING THIS SUMMER. I LOVE THE OPEN ROAD. THERE IS SOMETHING SATISFYING ABOUT RELYING ON STRANGERS KINDNESS TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT DAY. I HAVE PLENTY OF STIMULATING NEW EXPERIENCES WITH FUCKED UP PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE. PEOPLE WHO I GENERALLY WOULD NOT HAVE THE CHANCE TO CONNECT WITH. BUT WHEN IT IS JUST YOU AND THEM IN THIS BOX ON WHEELS. YOU ALMOST HAVE TO FIND COMMON GROUND BECAUSE THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING WHEN A FEW HUMANS ARE IN THAT CLOSE OF PROXIMITY. I TRY AND MEET SOMEONE NEW IN THE PARK EVERYDAY. IT ISN'T HARD. I GET A LOT OF COMMENTS ON MY HAIR AND GLASSES WHICH IS AS GOOD OF A CONVERSATION PIECE AS ANYTHING I GUESS. THE CITY BREEDS A NEW MORE OPEN ATTITUDE THEN I AM USED TO. BUT ONE I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED TO EMBRACE. I HAVE HAD MANY GREAT ENCOUNTERS WITH HOMELESS PEOPLE. BUT THAT IS ANOTHER STORY THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING INTO RIGHT NOW. GEORGE BUSH SAID THE FUCK WORD IN FRONT OF A LIVE CAMERA THE OTHER DAY. NOW THE MEDIA ARE MAKING A HUGE STINK OUT OF IT. TYPICAL. I CAN THINK OF A LOT BETTER THINGS TO BERATE THE GUY OVER OTHER THEN HIS POTTY MOUTH. BUT HEY. WE NEED STRONG CHRISTIAN VALUES IN THE WESTERN LEADER. INCLUDING KILLING PEOPLE OF OTHER RELIGIONS AND BELIEFS. SO MY EYES GROW HEAVY. MY LIFE IS PRETTY FUCKED RIGHT NOW. AS I HAVE ALWAYS SAID. EVERYONE IS FULL OF SHIT. JUST SOME PEOPLE ARE BETTER LIARS THEN OTHERS. WHICH IS WHY I ALWAYS HATED BEING JUDGED SO HARSHLY FOR LYING. ANYWAYS IT TURNS OUT MY BIGGEST JUDGERS WERE BULLSHITTING ME ANYWAY. PROVING MY POINT. I AM NOT CONDONING LYING THOUGH.TRY TO AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS. IT CAN CAUSE TO MUCH TROUBLE. I AM TRYING TO NOT DO IT. BUT I WOULD BE LYING IF I SAID I WAS PERFECT. BUT IT IS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THEN IT WAS. EONS. JUST REMEMBER EVERYONE. YOU ARE NO BETTER OF A SHITHEAD THEN I. JUST THAT YOUR DIRTY SECRETS ARE MORE SECRET THEN MINE. BUT PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT SHIT IN OWEN SOUND. THER IS NOTHING BETTER TO DO. WHEN I GO TO THAT TOWN NOW I AM AFRAID OF REDNECKS KICKING MY ASS BECAUSE OF WHAT MAY HAVE BEEN SAID. BUT WHATEVER. I WOULD PROBABLY DESERVE IT. I HOPE THINGS PULL TOGETHER. IF NOT, I WILL JUST COMPLETELY REMOVE MYSELF FROM ALL OF IT ALL TOGETHER. MOST OF THE SHIT THAT GOES ON IN THAT TOWN NOW IS JUST PETTY. PETTY ARGUMENTS. PETTY JUDGEMENTS, PETTY PEOPLE. IT REALLY HAS GOTTEN REDICULOUS. ALL THESE TIP TOE DODGING IN AND OUT GAMES THAT REVOLVE AROUND EVERYTHING. NOTHING IS EVER STRAIGHT FORWARD ANYMORE. IT IS FRUSTERATING. BECAUSE I TRY TO BE. THEN I GET TOLD TO RELAX A LOT. WHEN THEY DON'T REALIZE I AM RELAXED. JUST TRYING TO BE REALLY FUCKING HONEST AND OPEN ABOUT HOW I FEEL. TRYING TO BREED THAT THROUGH EXAMPLE. DON'T KNOW IF IT IS WORKING. BUT ALL IS FINE, BECAUSE I AM FINE. THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. BEYOND THAT, FUCK IT RIGHT? WHO KNOWS. I JUST KNOW THAT I AM IN LOVE. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I LOVE YOU. STRAIGHT FORWARDLY AND HONESTLY. BUT I AM GOING TO WRAP THIS UP. THIS MAY HAVE NOT BEEN ANY INSIGHT INTO ANYTHING REALLY. OR MAYBE IT WAS. I DON'T KNOW. I HOPE SO. IF YOU ARE READING THIS. I PROBABLY MISS YOU AND ALL THE TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP KIDS. DON'T FUCK UP YOUR LIFE. IT ISN'T THAT HARD TO DO. TRUST ME.