More digital waste

Untitled #552

2010-09-01T17:36:00.002-04:00

It has been a while. I often come to this site with the intention of posting something. Then I get emotionally exhausted at the idea of trying to explain thoughts I am having in a linear fashion. Plus my rational side sometimes tells me "none of this is the fucking internets business!" I am moving to Toronto as of Oct. 1st, and also getting transferred to the big, new, Longo's downtown Toronto. *yawn* I know. Fuck this laptop is really hot on my lap right now. I am supposed to be swimming right now. A. Because it is really hot, and B. Because I said I was going to too. But I was just dodging an awkward social situation the easy way. Too hot to do otherwise. I was supposed to meet up with this girl this afternoon, and you who know me, know that I am often meeting up with random women here and there. But I am losing interest in it. I blew her off by telling a white lie. (really should stop doing that) Oh! I haven`t had a cigarette in a week. I know readers jaws just dropped. But I felt it was time to quit. I think I am going to try and quit lying next. I tell too many white lies sometimes. And I am a pot smoker, so I don`t always have the greatest memory to keep track of them. So much else to say. But the wrong people read this for me to be able to say it. Sometimes I wish the old me was back where I didn`t care who knew what about me. Everyone in the world can know how I feel about people, but the person themselves cannot always. This way I think I make my own life more complicated. Wait. I am not sure if that is desireable. Ha! Also something hilarious I wish I could share. Cheers!

Untitled #551

2010-07-30T16:29:00.001-04:00

I read this on the internet and I laughed hysterically.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)

Untitled #550

2010-07-16T05:35:00.002-04:00

Maybe I would be more attracted to goth girls if they didn't bust out golden lines like

"I remember the nights spent in thine arms, while making dark love with bestial charm. A setting provided with incessant rain, sipping the blood from each other's veins."

Please. Let's just have a conversation without talking about the darkness you think you have that is unique, but in reality, is in everyone.

Untitled #549

2010-07-07T16:34:00.002-04:00

My boredom has brought me here. Let's see how productive it becomes. My vacation was pretty good. The first two days back were pretty brutal. Getting back into the flow of work, and my department being in chaos. I didn't mind recovering it from being a disaster. I like to know that my job, and position are both well deserved. My absence was noticeable. My strong employees were very glad to have me back. The slackers weren't. I got a big hug from Francis. She is my most experienced employee. She has worked there fifteen years. It took her a week to stop hating me just because I was new and young. But once she realized that I was not only efficient at what I do, but profficient, she loved me. She never wants to work shifts with anyone else. Neither do I frankly. She is great at the job. I always tell her she should manage. But she sais she couldn't handle the pressure. I spent a lot of my vacation in the great white north in my travels. I spent most of the week camping. I just love the outdoors. Man made structures get so boring. If I lived in a year round warm climate, I would live in a tent. Nature is where I don't need the luxuries I have grown used too. (it took me a few seconds to figure out how to spell "luxuries." At least I made the effort too.) I love my brother I love spending time with him. I like his cocky attitude, because I understand that he has a good heart. That seems to be a Spencer trait. A little fucked up. We lie about stupid shit just to make a conversation more entertaining. But all good intentions. I spent time with Kate while I was up there. I like her. She is reactionary, insecure, opinionated, and intelligent. That mixture of colours is a pretty rainbow of a personality that she carries well. But all this may be one sided. I don't know if she likes me. I couldn't tell, but I think my personality may be a bit much for her. But at the same time, I don't want to blatantly ask her what she thinks of me. Seems like an odd conversation to have. Though I generally like odd conversations. I don't know if she does. But I will just take this route instead. Write about it in my blog in which I know she reads :p Haha. No. I'll probably be straight forward and on put her on the spot. To me it seems to be the most effective way to communicate. Beating around the bush seems like a lot of waste of life. Especially since it eventually becomes habit.

My friends are all going to gang-bang each other some day. Seems to be the path they are taking.

I went to my first Pride Parade this year. Every other year I had been working which was a constant disappointment. But I was thoroughly impressed. It made me overjoyed to see so many people accepting of the LGBT minority. I have never seen a gathering that is there just to show love and understanding to there fellow man. No matter where they like to stick their dick or tongue. Good. Maybe our upcoming generations will be better then we are. More understanding. Hopefully we will be better parents then ours were to make that happen. Anyways. While writing this I was making spring frittatta and meditteranian style chicken with moroccan couscous. It is now I think, just about done. So I should go and make sure it presents well. My Grandma wants to show off her Grandson to her new friends. So she asked me to cook something fancy. But something that old geezers with particular taste buds would like. So here is hoping they aren't fried chicken and brown gravy food racists. Have a good one folks!

Untitled #548

2010-05-27T09:50:00.002-04:00

Change can be good. I enjoy my new location. It is a very well run store. The Store Manger is a very intelligent business man. I respect that. He is a hard-ass. But if you do your job, you don't get burned. I went up to Owen Sound for the long weekend. Hung out with my brother. Did illegal shit. (don't you wish you knew) Met with someone I had been talking too for a while but had never met. Broke my wrist in hockey last night. Third time in a year and a half I have broken it. But still have never missed a day of work due to that bone breaking. I even kept playing last night after I injured it. Mike is quite embarassed because I won all six games. Including the three I played with my injured jerk off hand. \i have been staring at this screen with a blank brain for too long. This is just mainly a aste of time for me these days which is why my frequency and length have dropped off. Plus I think a lot more people read this then I want to be. But in the end, I try not to care about those things.

Untitled #546

2010-05-04T09:43:00.002-04:00

Yes. I have made 546 blog posts. That is only counting this site. I should get paid to do this. I got moved to the Oakville Longo's in a management position. Yesterday was my first day. it is a compliment to be sent their because it is the busiest store in the company. If you get sent to the Brampton Longo's, you fucking suck. That is where my old manager got sent when I took her job. It is very fast-paced. Makes more then twice as much as the old kitchen I worked in. but I am going to miss the place. I worked many thousands of hours in the building. I knew everybody from the purolator guy. The Wonderbread delivery guy, to the CEO. I did have three jobs in that building and spent a majority of my last three years there. Made some friends, and some enemies. Italians don`t like it when you call their offspring faggots. I usually just do it to prove a point. They claim to not care if people are gay or not. But like to bring up the fact that if their kid was, they would boot them into the street so fast. So when I ever mention how much their son gave good head last night... I guess I am generally just a shit-disturber. I just don`t like phobias. Homophobia, blackphobia. Or as that liberal trash likes to call it, racism. I like talking to people I don`t know that well. I think about what I am going to say a lot more. Conversational caution. Something I generally don`t practice. Unless I am talking to a knew person I like, or want to get laid. Funny how the way I go about making a friend, and getting fucked isn`t that to far off. Maybe I want to fuck my friends. When guys give girls relationship advice or observations, they always come across as having ulterior motives. I generally avoid doing it. But I kind of did it today. Most of the time I spent composing what I was saying was trying to make it seem like I didn`t. So I think in the end, it didn`t come out as intended. So next time I won`t give a fuck. Vulnerability is a hard thing to work with. But I love it because of how unabashedly they share their emotions. A rare inside glimpse into pure human emotion. Though some guy once told me you only see that when you murder someone.

Untitled #545

2010-04-21T11:51:00.003-04:00

Why relationships fail. You spend the first date trying to hide your flaws. Then you are in a relationship, and you try to hide your disappointment. Then you get married and try to hide your sins.

Untitled #544

2010-04-16T18:41:00.002-04:00

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or a bitter drunkard.

Untitled #543

2010-04-15T06:57:00.002-04:00

Some of the most pointless activities in life are when you are in a position of responsibility. I have a Manager's meeting today at Head Office. All it does is waste a perfectly, possibly, productive day. I never learn anything useful. It isn't like they equip me with knowledge tools that I can practically implement in my day to day work. I swear the pointless shit you do when you have responsibility, is just shit created to create higher paying jobs. Watch. It will be a gorgeous sunny day today too. And I am going to be stuck inside talking about "wins" for my department. Then have the exact same discussion we always have. Shoot around ideas about how to lower shrink and Raise GP. Everyone's ideas will be the same. Push the sales, protect the bottom line. And we will all act like it is a brand new idea and stroke the ego a little bit. Why can't I make good money without having to sit through bullshit? If there is a way, I haven't found it yet. Playoff hockey started last night. So good luck socializing with me the next little while. Unless you want to watch hockey as well. I bought a carton of Prime Time's. I have so much tobacco product on my desk right now. I am a smoker's wet dream.

49 more years :(

Things I love

2010-04-12T16:56:00.002-04:00

Scorsese
Jeopardy!
Long walks on nude beaches
Larry David
Proficient musicians
Books
Reading books
Connecting with new people
Sex. Scandalous in nature
Spring time
Real Time
Prime Times
Smoking. Tobacco, and the wacky shit too
Your Mom in red leather
Tarantino
PDAS
Hippy Genocide
Toronto
Kim Kardashian
NHL hockey (Ovechkin, Crosby, Stamkos, Malkin, Kane, Semin, Backstrom, Green, Nabokov, Thornton, Marleau, Boyle, Staal, Gaborik, Iginla, Fleury, Niemi)
Anti-rape
Atheism
Determinism
Humanism
Religious scandals
Dark beer
Single malt scotch
Gay rights
Educational entertainment
Pro-line
Pro-choice
Pro-you
Friends
Nudity
Chess
Adventure (Be it in the bed, or on the road)
Writing pointless lists

Untitled #541

2010-04-09T10:59:00.002-04:00

Here we go again. I don't really like putting shit on the internet as much as I once did. I almost deleted this blog a couple times. But decided I would probably regret it. And this thing has a better memory of my last few years then I do. There had been a lot of drama the last little while. But I stopped giving a fuck because more important shit came up then "some girl." I am going through something that I haven't told a living soul other then my cat. And I don't think that can change. I am getting to be a much more private person then I was. I used to be much more of an open book then I am now. I wonder what changed? Sometimes I will tell more to a stranger then a friend. There is this person that I don't know very well on Facebook. But I like her Facebook personality as far as I can tell and so I would like to think I would like her just as much in real life. I told her some shit that I didn't tell my closest friends. I guess it is because ongoing drama doesn't become an ongoing conversation when you tell someone you don't know very well. I often just like to talk about it. Get it out of my system. Then not address it anymore. I think I just used far too many periods. But I don't like to go all cockle doody with commas either.

2010-03-05T07:35:00.002-05:00

If you were able to wrap your head around the circumstances that fell in my lap these past few weeks, what would you do? I ask myself that question constantly. Almost all the answers that come to me are based on anger. But fuck. You would be angry too. Somehow, some nut-bag knows where I live. Somehow, I got rolled by his pals. But that was my fault. I was an idiot and went outside and left myself vulnerable. But it won't happen again. The pendulum will swing back the other way soon and there will be reactions to the actions. Keep some balance in this universe. I still miss you Button. I still care about you. I don't know why. Because part of me also hates you. That is the self-preservation drive in me talking. But the secular humanist in me loves people that I love no matter what sometimes. That kind of loyalty can be detrimental to my well-being though. As if all this shit isn't enough to deal with. My department has essentially doubled. My head hurts just thinking about it. I constantly debate getting the fuck out of Longo's. Sometimes I am absolutely convinced that is what I need to do. Magenta hands, and enigmatic smiles. Fuck I hate refrains.

loveless vessels

we vow
solo love

we see
love solve loss

else we see
love sow woe

selves we woo
we lose

losses we levee
we owe

we sell
loose vows

so we love
less well

so low
so level

wolves evolve

English is a gorgeous language to fuck around with. I have read a lot of terrible english from thugs this week in the format of Facebook messages. I don't respect people who have poor English skills. Never have. "You" is not just a letter. Neither is "are." When laziness translates so far into someones life that it even affects language skills, to me it sais a lot about a personality. Fuck. You don't know how much I miss you Button..

2009-09-27T07:19:00.002-04:00

I think I have discovererd the trick to enjoying your job. Or at least bearing it under the shittiest of conditions. Which I don't work in by the way. This is Canada after all. We have it pretty good. But I am a spoiled white boy. So sometimes I think my life sucks worse then everyone elses in moments of selfishness. Anyways. You have to surround yourself with friends. I am generally a social person and over the years have become close with some of my co-workers. People who you enjoy their company turn the corner from being co-workers to friends. You will always be in a more comfortable environment if you are working with a friend. And since I am such a social person, I have made quite a few there. Bond with your fellow man, and work won't be work so much.

2009-09-23T07:29:00.001-04:00

I need a change of scenery. I wish the world was just like me television set. When I get bored, or a commercial comes on, I change the channel. I had a purpose for this post, but I don't want to talk about it. On the up and up, hockey starts in ten days. I am involved in three pools. My friends were trying to talk me into a fourth yesterday. I was tempted too because it is a heads up pool. My favourite kind. But I have enough shit on my plate. I am thinking Toronto tonight. We will see what the kids school schedule is like and whether they have to be at their bus stop early in the morning. Fuggedaboutit.

2009-09-19T07:25:00.001-04:00

It takes up so much of my energy just to get up the will to go in and work with my manager. She is so terrible at her job that I know I will be working twice as hard and getting half as much done because she lacks the ability to manage time and space. Never mind people. On the up side I got a date tonight. Hopefully I haven't become unravelled by then.

2009-09-02T07:27:00.003-04:00

It has been more then two months since I have payed any attention to my faithful blog. A fair amount has happened I guess. I got my G2 a couple days after my last post. I bought an iphone which may be the smartest electronic purchase I have ever made. I got a promotion. Then I got asked to be moved. A lot of issues at work. More stress then I have ever dealt with in the workplace in recent weeks. Got a yellow card that should have never happened. I haven't had a day off in almost four weeks. Thank god everything is closed on Monday. Because I am exhausted. Realized why I hate talking to exes and why I split contact with them in the first place. I have played a lot of hockey this summer. Met some Mississauga boys who play every Sunday. But our season just ended because they all go to school next week. I should be in Cuba right now. But couldn't get the time off because my department is sooo fucked for staff and no one is looking. But I am going to take my brother and go in the winter instead. To my sister Tanya. I love you with everything I am.

2009-06-15T13:44:00.002-04:00

My family was up a couple Sundays ago because my Father was singing at my Grandmother's church. I didn't join. It isn't like church with my family is full of good memories that I want to experience again. Anyways, my sister Faith left her bible there. The church didn't find it until this week. So a couple days ago I went to pick it up for her. My sister Faith is the one closest to my sister Tanya. They have really been even moreso together since the tragedy happened to Tanya. Anyways, there was a little page sticking out of her bible like a bookmark. So I was curious about which part of the bible she was reading and opened it to there. That page ended up being a prayer list. Right at the top of the list it said. "Tanya. She is slipping away..." I broke down. I have tried to maintain my composer throughout all this because I still have to work and focus on maintaining my life. Also part of the reason I haven't really gone to Toronto and all that. Just continuous exhaustion from trying to maintain focus.

But this tripped something in me knowing that the person who knows her best, thinks she is losing her. I get home and I called her. She picks up the phone and in the tiniest voice sais "hello." It just crushed me even more. She seemed more listless then those homeless crack heads I see all over Toronto. Huge difference from the girls who was full of life not too long ago. I just don't know what to do at this point. I have this overwhelming feeling something bad is going to happen. I also think the Christian counselling my parents talked her into going to is useless. They don't even help you deal with what happened to her. Just tell her to rely on that invisible father figure in the sky. Pisses me off that people can't be religious, have common sense, and sensitivity. I need a beer.

2009-06-14T11:22:00.001-04:00

Cigarettes are the only relationship that makes sense to me.

2009-06-06T21:05:00.002-04:00

I had a pretty fucked up dream experience last night. But also kind of hilarious in hindsight. I was having a nightmare which I very very rarely do. And I was dreaming that I was pinned down on my stomach on my bed and couldn't move as much as I tried. And I think I thought I was going to be killed. Then I wake up from the dream and I still feel pressure on my back like someone is holding me down. So I freak out and push up with all my might. All I hear is this weird scream and a thud. I go and quickly switch on my light. It was my cat! I guess she had climbed up on my bed and fell asleep on my back. So when I jumped up quickly, I threw her off the bed and she of course was the scream I heard. Haha. Scared the piss right out of me. But it is a pretty funny story to tell.

2009-06-02T07:55:00.003-04:00

It would seem that if you ever fuck someone, the simplest things become complicated. I guess it is why I have a pattern of washing my hands of all of it. My priorities are extremely different now. This post is very short, but already fragmented. So I think I should end it before it makes less sense.

2009-05-31T11:38:00.002-04:00

Since all this family shit has gone down, it has affected me in a way I have never been affected before. I don't really want to go out and do anything. I didn't go to Toronto this weekend even though I am off today. That pretty much never happens. I feel guilty if I have fun. Fuck I haven't even been able to masturbate in a couple weeks. Trust me. That never happens normally. But all you people that I love, it is nothing against you if I haven't seen you in a bit. Fuck. I haven't even met Ender Dowdall yet. And to top it all off, Detroit won last night. It just isn't in the stars for me right now. My horoscope said I would meet someone new today. Does the internet count?

2009-04-29T07:38:00.003-04:00

My latest addiction. I have been slowly weening myself off of caffeine as of late. I still drink a cup or two in the morning. But generally none beyond that. I have discovered how much more energy I have when I am fully hydrated. So I just bring a Gatorade with me to work instead of buying a coffee at work. With ball hockey twice a week and then hockey in Toronto, I need my muscles to start storing water so I don't get worn.

I had a great weekend this past weekend. Saturday was summer like. Drank in the park with Jimmy and Jon. Ate the best sandwiches this side of hell. There is this rumour going around my work that I am a weed dealer. It has been stressful. But once that is all sorted out I will tell you the story. Until then it is boring.

Men are so much easier to get along with then women. Even at work women go off the handle about things that are pretty irrational to get upset about. Even men get more easily upset when they are dating women then when they are single. We have to figure this problem out gentlemen.

2009-04-21T07:59:00.002-04:00

Was it ever beautiful this weekend. Took full advantage of it as well. Was in this gay little doggy park with Jimmy and Bridgette for a while on Friday. Saturday I played hockey with the boys which we have been doing almost weekly lately. But other then work and watching the playoffs, I haven't been doing much. Happy belated 4:20 cock suckers! Yesterday was our bonus meeting at work. So there was an hour and a half of dead time from when I was finished work and this bonus meeting. So I went with a friend in produce and got high as shit before the meeting. It made it less long and bearable. Happy 10th anniversary columbine shooters as well. You did something memorable enough that we still talk about it ten years later on its anniversary. Dropping the atom bomb doesn't even get that kind of respect anymore. I have no clue on the dates of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki tragedies. All I know is it was somewhere around half past death.

2009-04-15T07:59:00.001-04:00

There should be a fund set aside for every administration of government in the world solely for funding them getting blow jobs whenever they desire. I think there would be a lot more rationale in the world if all of us weren't holding back so much cum.

2009-04-09T11:18:00.001-04:00

There is this one customer at work that smells so bad. Imagine someone taking a shit on a rotting fetus' corpse. That is the extent of how pleasant the smell is. Really hard to be polite and show good customer service when someone assaults your senses like that.

2009-04-07T07:57:00.000-04:00

You don't see atheists strapping bombs to themselves and running into buildings. Fuck religion.

2009-04-04T09:56:00.002-04:00

I found this old notebook of mine. Maybe six or seven years old with just random shit jotted down in it. So I am going to record it in here so I can throw it out. I don't even know if I wrote this stuff or if it was just quotes from shit that I like.

"You set off a riot in the maximum level security of my heart."

"I bought stake in a mace company just before society crumbled."

"The Noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding."

"Sometimes I think everything I want was everything I had."

"If gays want to be married and be miserable like the rest of us, we should let them."

"Sinister-Latin for left-handed."

"Fuck. I got a boner that just won't quit. Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and fire off some knuckle children."

"Karaoke: Japanese for empty orchestra."

"You make me feel more important than a dwarf surrounded by midgets."

2009-04-01T07:22:00.002-04:00

Both of my evaluations were done at work this week. I got healthy raises in both my jobs. I love raises. I am doing the same amount of work for more money. I love the news in the morning. Just reading about this twenty one year old Massachusetts (sp?) kid killing two of his sisters. The cops walked into the house while he was in the middle of decapitating his sister and then he tried to kill his third sister when police shot him dead. Parents decided to bury their son with the two sisters he murdered. Interesting choice by the parents. But they are parents. So the most highly irrational being when it comes to there kids. The biological attachment makes you stupid. And people think I am disturbed because I am anti-religious and dress in black. Watch out for the normal looking, sister decapitating kids. They are more disturbed then I am apperently. I have been mulling over this dillemma in my life lately. A small one. But one that is very prominent on my mind. My Father is coming to do his testimony at my Grandmother's church. I think he is also going to sing and all this other bullshit.

My whole family is comin up. I mean everyone. And this big day is planned for May 24th. She has been guilting me into attending it. But the last thing I want to do is rehash the old days of going to church with my whole family. Those aren't pleasant memories by any stretch of the imagination. My Grandmother keeps telling me a little church won't kill me. No it won't. But it will ruin my day and probably affect my week. But I thought of a solution to my problem. Just don't tell my family. I am going to ask my boss to schedule me from ten to six that day. I was going to use the Dowdall's one year anniversary as an excuse. But then I realized that isn't usually an event where friends are involved. So I scrapped that rather quickly. It may sound like a small thing to you readers. But some of the worst memories in my life is church with the family. I can't think of a worse way to spend my weekend. And plus, I would just embarass them anyway. Because I'll be fucked if I dress up for it. I will come with raped women on my shirt and an upside down cross around my neck. If I have to go to church I generally do my best to make the spineless religious folk squirm a bit. Maybe I should go and handout pro-abortion tracks. Have an example on it like "When your faithful spiritual leader is diddling your daughters in counselling, how is he going to keep it from you and maintain your faith in trust in him as a path to god without abortion to cover up his seed busting in your daughters vag? Abortion. For the maintenence of faith."

2009-03-28T10:22:00.001-04:00

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

PS. Sure is hot down here.

2009-03-24T07:53:00.002-04:00

Spring is being a fuckin' cock tease. I keep getting caught in the weather with just a hoody because I refuse to wear my winter coat anymore. It is spring damnit! I had a weekend of hockey and beer again. Hung out with my cousin who I hadn't seen in a while. She now lives in Toronto. Went to Nicole's and Mike's baby-bration. In a month there will be a tiny Dowdall. I won't know what to do with myself. Haha. I still don't want an overgrown abortion of my own, but I can appreciate others. Especially since it doesn't cost me money or take my sleep from me at night. Or knaw on my nipples like a trailblazer on beef jerky. I got some acid for a rainy day. Or a sunny day. It has been quite a long time since I have done it. Since it isn't very readily available by purchase, I got it even though I don't really feel like doing it at this point. But on some gorgeous day in the park this summer, I am sure it will be fitting for me to consume.

2009-03-17T08:25:00.002-04:00

I had a fantastic weekend. It was beautiful and sunny. I had the whole weekend off which is a first since I went to Montreal for my birthday. Kris showed up into town for a few hours on Saturday. He was on his way to NYC. His timing was perfect because that was the first day we played hockey this year. So Mike, Jimmy, Kris and I went to the rink to play and there were already two full teams playing. But they let us join in. After they left we played our own games and drank beers. I also saw Jimmy read for the first time. it was about time. But he generally is always doing readings on weekdays. And I am pretty much never available then. Heard some douche trying to imitate Thom York singing about how much he hates his parents. His falsetto made my ears scream for mercy. So I just drank more wine.

2009-03-05T11:05:00.001-05:00

Do you ever notice how women with braces are always showing a lot more cleavage then your normal girl? They are begging you to not look at there mouth, but to stare at their tits. Which I will gladly oblige.

2009-03-05T10:20:00.001-05:00

I just calculated how many cigarettes roughly I have smoked in nine years of smoking. I figured about a pack a day is a good average. I have smoked more then a pack a day and less then a pack a day in my life. But to make sure it was fair I did the calculations by twenty packs. Not the twenty fives. so 9x365x20=65700. Wow. If cigarettes were women, I would be James Bond.

2009-03-02T18:50:00.001-05:00

Misanthropy translated from the Greek literally means "hatred of mankind". I already have my masters in Misanthropy then. And I didn't spend a day in school.

Untitled #516

2009-03-02T07:54:00.002-05:00

I am alive and well. Just growing bored of blogging. So I guess I get more irregular. Like an incontinent retiree.I was in Toronto this weekend. had a great time. Didn't get much sleep. Especially the first night. I got drunk and passed out at about four. But Kayla, Seb, Keith, and Dave were all up all night drinking and shit like mad. So I kept getting woken up by Seb and Keith fighting on top of me. And Seb would literally drag me into the room they were hanging out in and demand I wake up and party with them. Haha. Earlier in the night we had a ball off between Keith and I. Everyone always told us Keith had big balls. And all my friends who had seen mine also knew mine were large.. Anyways. I won. Barely. It was close. But I got pictures that I will put up later so you the reader can be the judge. I know all you blog readers are corn hole licking faggots and will probably enjoy it anyway.

Saturday Jimmy and I got steak and eggs at Fran's with Sophie and Colin. Afterwards we went to Sin & Redemption and had a pint from their impressive tap menu. Went back to Jimmy's. Watched Real Time with Bill Maher. And some Louis CK stand up which is fucking golden if you like him. You can see his shit on thecomedynetwork.ca right now. Afterwards we went up to Mike's and Nicole's to watch the hockey game with the wonder couple. Only a little over a month until there is a little Dowd. I am pretty fucking pumped let me tell you. To you overly defensive, easily offended people in my life. Relax. That is how I am.

P.S. This is a bud of cush that is a quarter. It is gorgeous. So I had to take a picture of it. This shit is primo too.

Untitled #515

2009-02-24T07:57:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I would like to go somewhere where I don't know a single soul. Just so I have to meet new people. I don't meet new people that often. Because I have the people that I already know, and I figure most of the people I would meet that aren't them aren't half as interesting. Contrary to popular opinion, most human beings are incredibly boring and annoying. Also petty and fickle. Emotional sand traps if you will. But I figure there are more incredible people out there. It would just take some actual work to find them. And I am not going to put that work in unless I am away from all the great people I already know.

When I am happy and satisfied in my life, it is really noticeable when I talk to people from my past and they aren't happy. I am in a place where only cops and cancer affect my mood. Otherwise my mood is pretty consistent. Or I should say "moods". I carry many with me at once.

I want another tattoo. Tomorrow.

Untitled #514

2009-02-22T12:26:00.000-05:00

Why can't common sense reign supreme over the world?

Untitled #513

2009-02-20T08:18:00.002-05:00

The Meshuggah show was fantastic. I have never seen a death metal band play such a long set. They played for about an hour and a half. they played stuff off of a lot of good albums. Like ObZen, Nothing, Catch 33, Chaosphere. Just them alone were worth the thirty some odd dollars. Sticking with tradition I smoked inside the Phoenix. That was the first venue that I ever saw a big show at. Years ago when I saw Fantomas, Trevor Dunn Trio Convulscent, and The Locusts. We smoked inside then too. But we got busted by a security guard that time. But only got a warning. That was when the by-laws were still new I think and they weren't as anal. This is a new look I am trying. The limp wristed cross dressing look. I think I may adopt it.

Untitled #512

2009-02-16T09:34:00.002-05:00

My new tattoo. I am incredibly happy with it. The guy did an excellent job on all the very small details and shading. And everyone who ever told me tattoos hurt are pussies. Every piercing I have ever had hurts more. And piercings are just a little sharp pinch. Tomorrow I get to see Meshuggah. I am incredibly excited to have a night out with all the boys and Josie. Today is family day. So lets tone down on the domestic violence shall we?

Untitled #511

2009-02-12T14:06:00.002-05:00

I quit my third job. It was too much. I didn't even have energy to blog much then. I am still terrible at recognizing my limitations. I am always pushing my body to the limits. Whether it is through work, drugs, caffeine, etc.

The further the past goes away, the less I miss it. I think it is because I forget a lot of it. Haha.

Less than 24 hours from now I will have a tattoo. Fucked that it took me until I was 25.

My thoughts are incredibly disjointed today, hence all the incorrect paragraphing.

This warm meltdown makes me happy. Means in March when spring comes it won't take as long to melt a winter's worth of snow.

I am back to playing hockey two nights a week. Look at this fucking smile on my face.

I am considering marriage as a financially smart move. But nothing more.

What is wrong with America's children? I have been fascinated by school shootings and just the brutal crimes in the States committed by fucking kids. Beware of being a parent and be a good one. There are consequences for everything. Beat on your kid, they might come slash your throat in your sleep or just beat other random kids to death. Please be careful with our children. They aren't precious, but they are deadly.

You are fucking beautiful.

Fuck Facebook causes.

Untitled #510

2009-02-02T16:25:00.000-05:00

It is funny that one of the side effects for pretty much all anti-depressants is suicide.

Untitled #509

2009-02-02T16:12:00.002-05:00

My cat forgives me quicker then any pet I have ever had. She is always lying on the top of the couch when I am sitting there watching T.V. Sometimes I will stretch and accidently smoke her in the face or knock her off the back of the couch. She will usually let out her cat-like yelp and jump. But all I have to do is tell her "I am sorry" once and kiss her and she starts purring and lies back down right away. I think human relationships would work better if we emulated that.

Untitled #508

2009-01-31T13:07:00.002-05:00

The new Cattle Decapitation is quite insane. The best vocals I have heard in death/grind music. When I saw them live it was one of the best vocal performances I have ever heard. Right up there with Patton when I saw Fantomas. Their lyrics are quite brutal, gory and extreme. But unlike most metal, strangely moral. They are all vegetarians and condemn animal murderers and talk about humans being led to slaughter like animals. So empathetic in a way. A lot of metal also has lyrics about rape. Usually raping women. Classics like Cannibal Corpse write a lot about raping women. But Cattle Decapitation write about killing rapists. 'Tis good shit.

Untitled #507

2009-01-31T11:47:00.002-05:00

Has anyone heard of Esperanto? It is a language invented for use as an international language. More phonetic then any other language out there. It was invented in the eighteen hundreds. I started reading about it a couple days ago because it was a Jeopardy! question. I learn so much from that show. Anyways. I reccomend reading up on it. It is fascinating. You and I my friends should learn it and speak it amongst ourselves. Here is the wikipedia article on it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto

Untitled #506

2009-01-29T11:48:00.002-05:00

I dreamt a lot last night. I was just debating someones ideals and I remembered at least one. I kind of even vaguely remember dreaming. Which rarely happens. Especially moreso now that I am working late at night at my third job. I just pass out instantly into R.E.M. sleep. I had this weird dream that I was with Jon and Jaime at Jon's old place in Owen Sound. The one on 10th St. E. Only it wasn't Jon's place anymore. In my dream he still lived in Toronto. But his old place had been turned into a restaurant run by Jim Carrey and Ed Norton. I don't remember all the details of the dream I remember the schtick of the restaurant was that they served your food with hilarious predictions for the future of the economy. They had flow charts resembling genitalia, and Jim set the kitchen on fire a couple times and put it out with butane. Very strange dream. What was strange about the dream is that my personal feelings in it weren't amusement. I think I was just in awe at how rediculous my surroundings are. Must mean I am fairly level headed. I seemed sane enough in my dream to realize the absurdity of where I was. I don't remember much beyond that. But now I have it recorded so I won't forget.

I also had another dream where I was debating a religious person I know. And all you non-religious people know how frusterating that is. They insert God into every aspect of life and have lost all grasp of common sense. I was trying to argue with her about why we are here and our purpose. I was going on about the general arrogance of one simple human being (most religious people are quite simple) thinking they have the knowlege of how we came to be here and why and what our purpose is. I was trying to explain why it makes sense to have faith in science. Science is something that is constantly progressing and learning no matter what direction it takes you. Whereas Christianity refuses to progress and learn. Especially if knowlege contradicts God or the bible. It perpetuates a cycle of ignorance. I think I was also mentioning how even if you do think you know our purpose or why we are here, why you have to upholster it into every aspect of your sife. I look to science to explain the unknow.

You look to God. But the difference between you and me is, is you have some sort of deity who you think has the right to interfere with your free will and gives you the right to impose judgement on others. I don't sit around everyday talking about how science is my all. I asked it into my heart and now I have a ticket to eternity. When something good or bad happens I don't thank science or nature or the planets or random chance for blessing me with the experiences I have had. I don't let science tell me who to fuck, when to fuck, why to fuck. Fuck. You would think Christians would come up with something better then God telling you it is wrong to stick your dick in a vagina until a certain paper is signed in front of a Justice of the Peace. If there was an all powerful being. He wouldn't have made up a bunch of shit that was very human. Even in the old testament when God wrote about marriage, all it meant was that you had sex with them. So Jacob took Rachel into his tent.

They got up the next day and were married. Which is why Solomon probably had 700 wives. He probably was just a ladies man and fucked a lot of women. I doubt they all lived in his palace and he supported and fed them all. And being married to more then one woman isn't even condemned in the bible unless you are a pastor or a deacon. I think at this point in the conversation the religious woman was getting angry with me. As the religious do when you challenge their faith. What they believe is generally so weak that they are defensive about it. It is generally like talking to a stone wall. I think my friend Jon once told me about the corrollation between Atheists and Religious folk. They did IQ tests on both and there was a large difference in average IQ. Of course the religious being a lot stupider. Which makes sense. I don't remember the last religious person to contribute something useful to society. At least scientists (who are over 90% Atheist) are out there trying to cure cancer. Trying to modify shit to grow in the desert.

Making alternate fuel sources. Trying to learn how to inhabit other planets if this one gets full. Then you have the religious doing nothing useful except annoying the smarter half of the planet with abstract concepts like trying to save your soul. Haha. I don't think I have had as vivid of a dream about a conversation as that one. I wish there wasn't so much wasted on religion. Don't picket for bills that want to put more censorship in media. Worry about the fucking starving kids out there. The child soldiers in the middle east. The child prostitutes in Africa. Start standing up for the les fortunate. Who gives a shit if your kid saw titties on prime time TV. Your kid will have seen thousands of murders on television before he is sixteen. And violence has a lot more negative effect on a human being. I think the conversation essentially ended with me informing her she needed to get her head out of the sand and start worrying about shit that actually matters and not my soul. Which nobody even knows exists. Stand up for your fellow human beings rights. Don't muddy that with worrying about heaven or hell or the afterlife. You are wasting mine, and humanities time.

I woke up satisfied. Conversations like that in real life don't often satisfy me. They depress me that adults are clinging onto fairy tales that are thousands of years old and are just ripped off from other religions that are thousands of years older then the bible. All this information is there for Christians to learn. They just don't do it. They use the justification of the imoral secular world and the devil trying to lead them astray through it. the most childish thing I have heard. Well. I am going to sign off now. I just basically wanted to record these down because I will forget later.

Untitled #505

2009-01-27T08:31:00.001-05:00

Pregnant teenagers should not be able to name their children. That is why their are human beings walking this planet with names like Sky and Refrigerator Door. Ok. Maybe that last one was a bit of an exaggeration.

Untitled #504

2009-01-27T08:15:00.002-05:00

So. I am getting my first tattoo. The thirteenth of February. Me and my friend Tom Hiley are going together. This is what will be on my forearm as of that date.

Untitled #503

2009-01-26T08:02:00.002-05:00

I forget what it feels like to have energy reserves. I am personally turning into the western world.

Untitled #502

2009-01-23T12:11:00.000-05:00

There is this guy who keeps making comments on my blog over the last couple days named Frankie. Either he is retarded, or thinks talking like Tarzan is funny. If he was retarded it would be funny. Talking like Tarzan is not.

Untitled #501

2009-01-21T12:52:00.003-05:00

What's the difference between a baby and a ham sandwich?

I don't fuck a ham sandwich before I eat it.

Haha. My friend Mark told me that joke this past weekend. that is probably the first time in five years I have heard a baby joke that I had never heard before. I had a great weekend. Went to Guelph for the chili cook off. A lot of old friends where there. Jimmy of course went. There was Ashley, Seth, Mark, Kris, Josie, Keith, Dougsy, Liam, Zack, Mike, Laura. And more AI am sure. All old friends from Owen Sound. Got drunk, smoked a lot, and did exstacy for the first time in a long time. I also picked up a third job. I am cleaning the floors of the Longo's I work at at night. We will see if I can keep up with three jobs. I clean floors five nights a week. Work at the hot counter five days a week, and work at the Wine Rack two or three days a week. I might burn out quickly.

Onto a completely unrelated thought. Often I am feeling wistful. I just all of a sudden will think of someone and will miss them greatly. Someone in my past who I had great times with. But I always stop before I actually let them know that I was thinking about them and the past good times we had together. Is being wistfull immature and childish? Because whenever I feel it, I think that it is and never follow through with expressing it.

Untitled #500

2009-01-17T08:10:00.002-05:00

Well. This is my five hundredth blog post. So I should probably do something special. (It is actually technically my five hundred and first because I screwed up somewhere along the way.) But who is counting. So I thought I would do something classy for this epic moment to hammer into history the monumental amount of time I have wasted typing for all you lame fucks who actually read blogs. Seriously. You are lamer then me writing in one. So I heard a joke. I thought it would be appropriate for this moment. So gather your children in front of the fireplace and read aloud the following. Enjoy.

This man took a hooker into a motel room
They exchanged money and began to have sex
When the man was having sex his penis hurt...He felt like something was clawing at him.
He stopped having sex and said, "Ouch, it's really rough in there..."
The hooker excused herself to the bathroom and a few moments later came back
They continued to have sex and it was soft and felt so good....
The man said, "Ooooh baby, that feels so good....hmmm what did you do to make your pussy feel so smooth?"
and she said

"picked the scabs off"

Untitled #499

2009-01-16T10:25:00.003-05:00

Do I look like a racist? Just by pure looks alone. Not by the jokes I tell and shit. because anyone could think I am a racist if they didn't know me and my bit of offensive humour that squeaks out every now and then. There is this guy at Longo's. Made some quips about my Fu Manchu and long hair.He doesn't work for Longo's. He works for Lay's and sets up the chip displays in the stores and such. This guy is Aryan as fuck and dumb as shit. But I am a nice guy and talk to everyone. Anyways, this guy for some reason got a feel off of me that I was racist. So he said some ignorant thing about the difference between blacks and browns. And then laughed awkwardly. (I could tell he was gauging my reaction.) Now a funny racist joke I will laugh at. Especially when it comes from non-racist folks. But ignorance from idiots has never really amused me. The guy was talking to me about pirating shit off the internet. His kids being annoying and how he makes twenty five grand a week setting up his displays. Which is bullshit. Like Lays makes men millionaires for setting up cardboard shelves and advertisements for Super Bowl 43. Maybe he met twenty five hundred. I don't know. It also didn't add up when he told me he worked part time also at Kelsey's being a waiter. Where was I going with this? I don't remember anymore. Just that this guy was dumb as shit and thought I looked like a non-white hater. I bet you the highest score that idiot ever got on a test was 65. And that was on his IQ test.

Untitled #498

2009-01-15T08:14:00.002-05:00

Hmmm. What comes after yellow. I think red. Yesterday I may have had more blood fly out of me in a hurry then I ever have. The tip of my thumb is sliced to the bone. And no I didn't do it with a knife like you would think. I was scrubbing dishes at work with steel wool. And some of the wool got wrapped around one of the supports for the chicken racks. So like I usually do, I gave the steel wool a yank because then it just breaks and I continue scrubbing. But no. Not my luck this day. I go to yank it. Not only does it not break. But so very fast a strand of the steel just slit through my thumb tip. Blood literally squirted onto the wall behind the sink and all over the dishes which I had to re-sanitize. So all day I had to function with a huge bandage on it and a thumb condom. I am still fascinated by how much blood can come out of a non-extremity.

Untitled #497

2009-01-14T08:23:00.001-05:00

Boy yesterday was a shitty hungover day at work. I had gone down to Jimmy's for the night on Monday. Got pretty drunk on Innes&Gunn. Hung out with Jon, Dave, Jimmy, Kayla, and not so much Seb. He was pretty hungover. Played sing along to some Aqua and shit. Haha. The next day when I woke up I was really dehydrated and their water was shut off due to water main repair being done by the city of Toronto. I puked and went to work in very rough shape. What a hell of a day. Today I am working twelve hours. But I feel like a million bucks now.

Untitled #496

2009-01-12T07:53:00.002-05:00

I need a woman. But only an Asian. Otherwise I am not interested enough. I have the yellow fever like it is no ones business. You should here me on the street with Jimmy. Especially since he lives in Chinatown. He knows I have seen a hot Asian when I start snapping my fingers and singing "they call me mellow yellow". Haha. But now that he is dating a Sri Lankan girl, we have an in in to that continent. So she is supposed to hook me up with one of her Asian friends. I told her an East Asian. I am not into Western Asia lasses like Jimmy has got right now. I like my Asian girls diarrhea yellow, not shit brown.

Edit: A friend read this post and asked me why I can't even talk about simple attraction without offending a large amount of people. I replied honestly and said it is because I don't really care if I make people squirm. It is good for them. Get the mousetrap out of your cunt and live your life! Ouch.

Untitled #495

2009-01-11T07:39:00.002-05:00

I got asked for my number yesterday at work. I said no. For some reason I just wasn't ready to donate my time to a woman. Though I shouldn't worry about it as much as I do. I just equate dating to my last relationship. Which was me basically working and then travelling three hours away as soon as I had any days off. It was an exhausting (though enjoyable) part of my life. Which is why a month after me getting a second job, I was half way relieved we broke up. I had no idea how I was going to maintain distance shit and have a full and part time job. And quite frankly, I love being single.

Untitled #494

2009-01-10T11:34:00.000-05:00

Fuck the environmentalist tree huggers of the world. If only they knew that when they do something faggy and hippy like tree planting, that they are basically doing slave labour for the lumber companies who they hate for cutting down shit. But as long as they have dumb shits like you, they will always have people to cover their asses.

Untitled #493

2009-01-07T06:18:00.002-05:00

So I had a succesful first night in the ball hockey league. It is four on four. Two lines so you get enough rest. But I am glad there isn't more lines because then I never feel like I am playing enough. Same as normal hockey. Three twenty minute periods. Of course we played on blades which I much much prefer over running around. A lot more angles and moves to work with. On your feet the game is a lot more sluggish and doesn't have the flow to it that hockey should have. There is contact too which I was happy about. We destroyed our opponents 11-4. We should have won 11-0. But our goalie sucks so far. I got four goals, three assists, and was a +6 on the evening. One of them was a SHG. I didn't think I would have that good of a night my first night. This ball hockey league gives out awards at the end of the year and shit. My goal is to get the scoring title. If they had an award for best defensive forward I would be after that too. It is so invigorating to get into organized sport again. I am going to start working out in the gym I have in the condo building. I want some weight to throw around. Don't get me wrong, considering what I have, I can toss it around. But I want more to toss around.

Untitled #492

2009-01-06T07:55:00.002-05:00

So. Canada won the World Juniors. Fifth year in a row motherfuckers. It is nice to reaffirm over and over again that we are the best at the sport we created. Tonight is my first night playing for the ball hockey league here in Mississauga. I would ask you to wish me luck. But I don't need it.

Untitled #491

2009-01-05T07:38:00.002-05:00

So I am stoned minding my own business last night around 7:30. About a half an hour until the game goes on and I am watching Jeopardy. During the commercials, this mini infomercial came on. It was trying to sell this chair that basically connects to a track on the side of the steps of your stairs. They were marketting it to seniors. Telling them falls are the number one cause of senior injuries etc. This device would save them money. You see this old geezer piping up with "It's cheaper than moving!". I think to myself, "Well yeah. Moving is expensive." They go through the whole thing without telling you the price. Just all these wrinkly old people that if you ironed them out would be ninety feet tall. They were all telling me how surprisingly affordable it is. I waited with baited breath for the price and never got it. So I was curious how much a gyp this is. (I apologize to any gypsies who read my blog that I may have offended)They ended it with a 1-800 I could call for all the information I need. So I pick up ol' faithful. (my phone) Dial the number. Not surprisingly, the lines wreen't jammed and I got through right away. Well, some woman picks up greets me and tries to sell me. I tell her to hold on. I am not interested in buying thing. I am just stoned, and your infomercial made me curious about the price. Now here we are. Well it took me too long to find out the price. It seems I got the phone hired born again Christian. Figures if I get high. I probably need saving. Boy that story was anti-climactic. I don't even know why I told it.

Untitled #490

2009-01-04T07:59:00.002-05:00

Dear Humanity. Stop being so goddamn self important. A genetic improbability has given you something called consciousness, which makes you think you are the shit, when in reality it is as significant as a baboon having a blue ass. The earth is not as much of a fucking prude as you are... do you really think it gives a shit if you litter? Do you really think it cares about its atmospheric composition? Do you really think you are any better than anything that has crawled or shit on this earth? Environmentalism is the ultimate disease of consciousness... of human self-importance. GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. Just because you know you are here doesn't make you any more important than anything else that has stained this infinite palette. If you really think your electron microscopic ass is too much for this planet to handle, kindly kill yourself. Mother Earth would be pleased.

End misanthropic rant. Fuck you.

Untitled #489

2009-01-03T11:08:00.002-05:00

New Year's was fantastic. Pretty low key. Spent it with good friends only. Except for Jon. He bailed and didn't even call. We also recorded another rap song. haha. It is the thing we do when we are drunk now. This one I think is better than our other shit. And I wrote probably the most vile section to exist in rap in our new song. I will let you all know when it is put up. Seb is being slow getting to the plate in sending the song. I did something I said I would never do last week. I went on a date with my co-worker at the Wine rack. Well a half assed date. I took her to dinner. We were going to go to a movie but we got to smashed at my place. She is a girl I trained at the Wine Rack. I hated her when she started there. But she really grew on me over the last year and a half. I have kind of felt like I should take her under my wing. She seems like a kid in so many ways. Loses her cell phone about four times a year. Needs to go to money mart to pay her rent. I try and give her money and cigarettes when she needs it.

She is adorable and someone should take care of her. But she tends to date douches from what she tells me. And she thinks they are king shits of the shit pile. I even gave her the most practical house warming gift to her last year. A carton of cigarettes. I knew after first and last she would be pretty broke. And got her the most important thing you need. Even more than food. And of course to a smoker it is cancer sticks. Haha. I am sooooo empathetic towards smokers. If someone could figure out how to channel that towards animals, I would be a vegetarian. My heart goes out to smokers more then anyone else. Anyways, this post has lost all purpose.

Untitled #488

2008-12-29T07:50:00.003-05:00

Boxing day on was good times. Spent time with friends really. And a gathering of friends at Christmas time is a lot less traditional then gathering with family. And I can't get drunk with the immediate family. I told you about the rap Jimmy and I wrote on the bus back from Montreal. Well I am going to shamelessly promote The Cuban Missile Crisis Dance Party on my blog. We recorded that song and put it on our myspace. I know I know a lot of Christians who read this blog. So to let you know, you will burn in hell if you listen to this song. It is filthy. But hilarious. Good thing followers of the Christ don't like to laugh. Here is the URL. Enjoy. Watch for us on the top Billboards.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=389855324

It is the song called Jacob Bader Master Bader.

Untitled #487

2008-12-26T09:42:00.001-05:00

Thank Jesus Christ that day is done. Wait. It is because he was born that I need to see all these commercials and deal with these assholes all in a rush. So fuck Jesus Christ. At least he won't be disruptive for the next 364.

Untitled #486

2008-12-24T06:33:00.001-05:00

I hate thinking about the fact that for the rest of my life as an adult, there will always be something to fuckin' worry about.

Untitled #485

2008-12-23T10:53:00.003-05:00

Whoa. Getting close to 500 blog posts. I don't think I have done anything five hundred times. Well. I enjoy masturbation. And eating. And smoking hash. I may have done those things five hundred times. Oh. And listened to Death Metal and drank snobbish beer. Anyways, I am prattling. I was told by an ex the other day that she didn't think we were compatible. I never replied to that really. Because my answer would have been "no shit". It would probably come across as rude and insulting. But the reality of it is, is that even on a biological level, your differences is what makes you strong. Did you know you are naturally attracted to someone who has a different immune system then you? That way when you procreate it has an even stronger bodily defense then the parents. Having the strengths of both of them. Iy makes a species grow stronger and more immune to a variety of things. Compatibility is something we think we need in life. Whereas, I am not compatible with many people, but I get along with many people. There are those who think it is the strangest thing that Jimmy and I are best friends. Which from an outsiders perspective, you can see why. We are not compatible at all. Yet it is the strongest relationship I have ever had out of all of them. Not only has it been the best. But my relationship at times has gone through more struggles then any of the others I have had, and all that happened was we got closer. Sometimes I wonder if people are looking for the wrong things in life. Maybe that is why so many people are unhappy. You really notice it around Christmas time. Sadness becomes more prominent in peoples eyes this time of year. Especially if they are lonely. All I know is that I am happy, and fuck Christmas. Whenever I decide to date again, I will do the same thing I have always done. Find a beautiful woman who is incompatible with me. Generally quieter, nicer, and more restrained. If I am going to date myself, I mine as well just jerk off. Which is great. But like the relationship would, it gets boring.

Untitled #484

2008-12-20T08:06:00.001-05:00

The new Severed Saviour, Servile Insurrection, is one of the best, and most complex albums I have ever heard. If I were to describe it as an emotion, it would be "furious".

Untitled #483

2008-12-19T08:12:00.002-05:00

Boy. They weren't joking about this snow storm coming where they. I am kind of excited. I have never driven in this shitty of weather. I figure it will be pretty safe. I will just drive extra fast to compensate for my boredom at home.

Untitled #482

2008-12-18T10:10:00.001-05:00

Love is just a joke people have to learn to laugh at. I am tired of friends and co-workers who are affected by it. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only sane person left. Happy and not co-dependent on some vagina. Or penis. Depending on who you are.

Untitled #481

2008-12-17T10:09:00.002-05:00

I am back alive. Just now beginning to catch up on rest. I had a superb birthday. Lots of poutine, strippers, hockey, friends, cold, and incredible beer. Jimmy and I arrived there about 7:30 in the morning on Friday. Decided to wander the city so we wouldn't wake our friend up to early. It was freezing there by the way. And they have fuck loads of snow. So we found a bar pretty quickly. Watched some hockey with these french old fogies playing poker on poker machines. Soon after we found a microbrewery\bar\restaurant and had the first of four or five poutines we would have that weekend. Hooked up with Will. Went to his place. Got rid of our shit. Saw him play a show. We were trying to get a hold of our friend Jacob Bader the whole time we were there. Because no one knows coke and strippers better than him. To people who read this from OS, he was in the West Rocks with us that one time.

Sophia claims they fooled around. Yes. Now you know who I am talking about. Anyways, he didn't answer his phone all weekend. Trust me. We left about 60 or 70 messages. Haha. He is moving back to NYC in January, so it was my last chance to see him. So both Jimmy and I were quite persistent. It never happened though. So before we left. Jimmy and I thought of a new sexual move called the "Master-bader". After Jacob Bader. That is when you are fucking a woman in the shower and take a shit while doing so, then snort a line off the shit floating in the water. Haha. Now when Jimmy and I headed back to Toronto on the bus, we left at about midnight Sunday. Jimmy and I decided to write a rap about Jacob Bader the Master-bader. It has a lot of classic lines like, "She screams as he tries to anally penetrate her, he sais shut up bitch this is the fucking Master-bader!"

Haha. Anyways. It will be our next rap song we record with Seb. We also made a list of things that we made up that Jacob does in the song. Like how he reads to blind children naked. Collects the toe nail clippings of children he has molested without waking up. How he drinks vials of period blood of the women he has conquested. Hires black men to be his butler so he can call them "Nigger-Jeeves". It goes on and on. We had pages of the shit. Haha. I hadn't laughed that long in a long time. Jimmy and I were probably the most annoying fucks on the bus. It was an overnight, so probably everyone but us drunken fools were trying to sleep. So all in all, I had an amazing birthday. I had a little drink and moment of silence on Saturday. Because now it is a day that I will always share with someone else an intense memory. Anyways, this has gotten far too long winded. Cheers!

Untitled #480

2008-12-11T07:39:00.001-05:00

My life is too boring to write anything lately. I get up. Go to work. Come home. Smoke hash. Watch Hockey. Sleep. Repeat. But I couldn't be happier. Leaving for Montreal at midnight. Wish me luck.

Untitled #479

2008-12-07T06:50:00.001-05:00

Mornings are so cold and uninviting this time of year. I battle with myself for twenty minutes just to go out and have a cigarette. My nicotine addiction always wins. Then again, it doesn't have a very strong opponent.

Untitled #478

2008-12-06T10:43:00.002-05:00

I never understood this top secret dating thing. Well, unless you are married or have another girl friend I can understand keeping it under wraps. But keeping it top secret to take things slowly? If the world knows I guess it is assumed we will shove the dick in there for him.

Untitled #477

2008-12-05T07:53:00.002-05:00

Jesus. I am almost twenty five. That is about one third of the way through an average lifespan. And I don't think I will live the length of the average person. Boy does life pass quickly. Which is fuckin' great. If it passed slowly, I would have been bored of it by now and had opened up my veins or some shit. Even though, all this Christmas shit makes me want to do it. My escape from madness quickly approaches.

Untitled #476

2008-12-04T11:28:00.003-05:00

I had a Coffee Time coffee for the first time since... I think it was June. The last time I was in Chatsworth. It was a real pleasant trip down memory lane for me and incredibly nostalgic.

Untitled #475

2008-12-03T11:05:00.001-05:00

The weekend of Dec. 12th-14th is quickly approaching. And since my birthday falls on the Saturday of that weekend, I have taken those three days off. Some of you know, and some of you have said "no" to coming to Montreal. But those who haven't heard and may want to come. You are welcome. Jimmy, Scotty, Hoffman, and I are already going. It makes sense for Scotty to come with me. We were born on the exact same day the exact same year. Birthday twin he is. Now, if your morals don't allow for hookers and blow, you might want to move on to your next friend's birthday event.

Untitled#474

2008-12-02T10:27:00.002-05:00

I had a damn good weekend. Went to a Marlies game with Jimmy. Bought the best seats. The game went into Overtime and then a nine round shootout. Found out I am pretty damn memorable, and that someone from my past is still (impressively) holding on to a grudge against me. I felt bad about it. It made things complicated for mutual friends. Either she is over dramatic or I did a doozy of an injustice to her. Either way, I just want to know.

Untitled #473

2008-11-29T08:31:00.001-05:00

With life always changing, I don't see how anyone is ever bored.

Untitled #472

2008-11-28T11:49:00.001-05:00

I hate it when people describe themselves as being jaded. Seriously. What the fuck? Did you read your psychological profile from Nine Inch Nails lyrics?

Untitled #471

2008-11-26T07:53:00.001-05:00

Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.

Untitled #470

2008-11-25T11:31:00.002-05:00

Man. This is going to be me bitching about the cold. I hate it. I am always having to go from point A. to Point B. because I work all the time. And usually that involves being in the outdoors. When I am cold, I am tense, I can't think about anything except about how uncomfortable I am. So walking isn't relaxing like when it is warm and I can not think about the weather and let my mind wander. Fuck you November to May. Fuck you. P.S. Have you seen this douche?

Untitled #469

2008-11-24T08:08:00.002-05:00

You know when you get to that part of your life where no matter what happens, you are going to be happy from now on? I think I am there. Not much disappoints, shocks, surprises, offends, or insults me these days. I have succesfully built my canoe for this life river.

Untitled #468

2008-11-21T10:57:00.002-05:00

We are the loser depressed group at all the parties. Which is why everyone hates us.

Untitled #467

2008-11-19T08:17:00.000-05:00

I am getting too old for these 12 hour days. Just thinking about it makes me feel weary. I am so excited. Montreal in a little over three weeks! Going to spend my birthday weekend there.

Untitled #466

2008-11-18T11:19:00.003-05:00

Totally paid for sex this past weekend. Most people who know me well have known I have wanted to do it for a while. Went to a concert with my friend and got pretty drunk. Went to this strip club up the road for a bit afterwards. There was this beautiful tall gothic stripper that I went to the VIP with and kept laying down twenties until the condom was on. Haha. Best hundred bucks I ever spent. Better bang for your buck then thirty bucks for a three minute lap dance.

Untitled #465

2008-11-15T09:57:00.002-05:00

There is this girl. I have only come across her a couple times in my life through mutual friends. We can't stand each other. She is one of those overly defensive, overly sensitive head cases that is offended by absolutely everything someone like me says or does. So she was at the bar with mutual friends. And she throws stupid immature barbs at me all the time and I often get annoyed and throw things back at her. While the rest of the time I am trying to ignore her stupid hippy point of views. So I pulled out my cigarettes set them on the table and sat down on the patio where she was and our mutual friends. First thing She does is comment. "You smoke More's?" They are a really long thick cigarette. These happened to be whiskey flavoured. I said "Well if you count buying three packs in my life and enjoying smoking them, then yes, yes I do." I knew it would probably turn into an insult somehow. She hates me that much. She sais, "Ugh. I hate More's. My Dad used to smoke those." This is where the bomb drops. Right after she said that, I retorted with, "Fuck. I never thought I would here a girls repressed feelings about her Father through a comment about my cigarettes." Her and all the people at the table who knew her well went dead silent. Haha. I had hit some nail on the head. I was told later by one of our mutual friends that she was abused by her Father. They wouldn't elaborate. I don't know if he just yelled at her a lot or stuck it unwillingly into her ass. I guess I am not interested enough to know. But man. All my life I seem to say the right things at the right time. Or the wrong thing at the wrong time. Depending on your point of view. But sometimes my intuition scares me. That is my bar story of the week. Wish you were there.

Untitled #464

2008-11-14T07:48:00.003-05:00

These long stretches of work are starting to affect me emotionally and physically. When I am drained in both departments, sometimes it is more difficult to balance my moods. I am too short tempered. I need more sleep. And a less stressful manager.

Untitled #463

2008-11-11T10:26:00.002-05:00

This is how much my Grandmother loves me. I will come back home from work and she will be into the last ten minutes of her movie. She will spend five of those last ten minutes trying to catch me up on the plot so I enjoy it as much as she is. I generally don't care and think the movie is a piece of shit. But I would never tell her that.

Untitled #462

2008-11-10T07:50:00.002-05:00

Haha. Recorded a rap song with Jimmy and Seb this past week. It is pretty fucking hilarious. Talk to me if you want to hear it. Maybe I will put you in my will when it goes platinum.

Untitled #461

2008-11-06T12:26:00.002-05:00

I was asked by a friend as to why I ever felt the need to get rid of people out of my life. Did I do it to hurt them? She doesn't see the reasoning in this. Well, in my experience, you go through stages of life with certain people. Certain people only fit into your life during these stages. Because I realize that, clinging onto the ideal of knowing everyone for life, is far more hurtful. If anything, I try and spare people I may hate later on. When I am spiteful, I am far more hurtful. To me, it is often the only logical approach. I don't like hurting people anymore. Getting rid of some people out of your life is to me, ripping the bandaid off quickly. Pain is sharp and instant, but not lasting. Whereas trying to force something that shouldn't be, can cause explosions and personal clashes that are not needed. I don't know. Maybe I am crazy. Does it make sense to you?

Untitled #460

2008-11-05T07:41:00.002-05:00

Obama is President! Be happy that you are alive to witness history being made. At least that is what my hopeful side says.

Untitled #459

2008-11-03T07:14:00.001-05:00

I have had a lot of repressed childhood memories surface recently. Some of them disturbing. At this point I don't feel like sharing them with you the reader. Soon though. Soon.

Untitled #458

2008-10-29T10:37:00.001-04:00

They should have a word in the English language for the sadness you feel about happy memories.

Untitled #457

2008-10-24T08:13:00.000-04:00

Fuck. I got a large steam burn on my arm yesterday at work. It feels the opposite of an orgasm.

Untitled #456

2008-10-22T08:18:00.002-04:00

It was beautiful to have yesterday off. I want down town to hang out with the chums. Played some hockey during the first snowfall. Mike fell in water and it melted him down into a pussy. So we all went home. Innes&Gunn comes in big motherfucking bottles now. Nothing could bring me as much joy as that.

Untitled #455

2008-10-20T06:59:00.000-04:00

She's as petty as cash. But I still love her.

Untitled #454

2008-10-18T06:13:00.001-04:00

She had the hair of an angel. Eyes that danced with the grace of licking flames. Deep opaque, flashing at me like a mermaids tail underneath the ocean surface. Then I came to my senses and realized she was fucking fat.

Untitled #453

2008-10-16T10:59:00.002-04:00

I took a few days off of this I guess without realizing it. I had so many prolific and socially rellevent witty remarks to say. But I drowned them.

Untitled #452

2008-10-12T09:02:00.003-04:00

I think the reason most people can't stand Technical Death Metal, is that it demands your attention. Which is exactly the reason I love it. P.S. This picture killed me when I saw it on an atheist forum I am a part of.

Untitled #451

2008-10-11T11:53:00.002-04:00

For some reason, I find a woman smoking sexy as hell. I think I have a problem. My porn is a cigarette in a woman's hand.